thoughtful thursday.

i have had the enormous pleasure of reading this summer. i think god has been giving me an opportunity to indulge in one of my favourite pastimes before the babe comes. what a joy!

two books that have been hugely influential on how i am framing this next season have been margin by richard swenson, and bread & wine by shauna niequist.

margin suggests that we live the moments of our lives right up against the next moments - leaving no space for rest or play or unscheduled 'interruption' but that in actuality, the margin is where god has space to show up and move within our lives. if we are living without margin we are unable to grasp the grace-times the father has waiting for us. if we are always rushing to the next thing we aren't able to stop for a chat on the street with a neighbour, or meet a friend for a spontaneous coffee. we aren't able to rest well or to play well. we are late and 'too busy' and tired. and we lose the space for grace in our lives. further, we lose the space for showing grace to others.

bread and wine is a fabulous you-must-read-this-book-right-now collection of stories about food and faith. about gathering together around a table, breaking bread, sharing wine, doing what jesus did with his friends in the upper room, and engaging in community. on our holiday le boy and i reflected that one thing we have not done as much of in the last six months is open our home and fill our table with friends and food. and while there are good reasons for this - namely the small soul joining our family in november - it has felt a more empty season in our home and is something we hope to press into more as we go forward.

and so what have i done as i think about making space for grace? how do i make space for the sacred around in our lives, around our table, living intentionally in community and being available for the spirit to use me in unexpected ways? how can i live a less busy, more intentional life? i'm sure i'll be puzzling this through for many, many years to come. i imagine this is an area where i might always struggle. but i know what i'd like my life to look like - i know that this is how i'd like to live.

linked.

may i just encourage you to visit this today?

may our days reflect this balance of the word and work and wandering. amen and amen.

ann voskamp on how to keep sanity. 

via incourage.me

starting.

what is it about a new year?

every blog i read, i find myself nodding along to - yes, it's true. we love a new start don't we? a year is stretching out in front of us and we're unsure of what it holds and how it will end up, but it holds so much potential doesn't it? so much possibility. so much life.

tomorrow le boy and i are a taking advantage of an unexpected day-off and spending some time planning our year. we'll do this individually and together. together we'll focus on what we'd like to achieve as a couple, how we want to handle our finances and where we'd like to travel.

individually, it will be well, personal to each. for me, i'm hoping to create a small journal for 2013 where i can assess my intentions monthly and keep track of things such as books i read, crafts i make, places we travel, memorable incidents, memory work i undertake.

additionally, i'm hoping to use this resource from simplemom.net to set intentions for 2013. and to use the seven signs of spiritual life, ideally, i'll go through this quarterly so that i can assess where i'm at spiritually and grow in my relationship with jesus this year.

i've made a printable so that i can keep it in the back of my 2013 journal, ready to hand.

Seven Signs of Spiritual Life by Brie B-D

this comes originally from a sermon by our worship pastor matt southcombe at st michael's southfields.

finally, i'm challenging myself to undertake the three marriage habits.

i'll check back in soon with a recap on our day-away. so looking forward to this!

december.

i've been quiet recently. but much to the chagrin of those who know me - that's never going to last long.

i missed reviewing october/november so here's a combo post.

::october/november recap::

spiritual: 

• we've started a new bible study in our homegroup and we're moving through it, will finish for christmas, it's been revelatory to grasp the concept of grace more fully 
• working my way personally through the beth moore proverbs study: wising up - and let me tell you, i am! 
• started a breakfast bible study with some ladies from church, so good to be drinking the word (and coffee) with sisters in christ! 
• memorised: ephesians 2:8, philippians 4:6, habbakuk 3:17&18, psalm 127:2

mental: 

• read: case histories by kate atkinson, readable but not my very favourite 
• read: start your family by candice and steve watters, a good biblical overview of the role of family in a believer's life, now the question is when to start? 
• winter of the world by ken follett, the second in a trilogy spanning the entire 20th century, readable, gripping, multiple storylines and LONG, but in a good way, worth the read, but absolutely necessary to read the first book! 
• the secret keeper by kate morten, this book has been much touted this autumn, and it's good and a compelling read, but it feels very similar to other kate morten books, in the way that all john grishams feel the same? it's a formula, it works, but it loses its magic once you've got this insight...sorry. 
• dear life by alice monroe, this book of short stories stole my heart, i ached for each snippet of life that was detailed. it probably helped that the stories mainly take place in places so familiar i could exactly picture the scenery the bleak and beautiful scenery of southwestern ontario farmland in winter, the beauty of lake huron in high summer. in honesty it made me a little home (and heart) sick, and isn't that what the best of books do to us? if you are familiar with the places of southwestern ontario, particularly those communities near the shores of lake huron, read this. 

physical: 

• i didn't start a 10 km training plan, but i have lost 40cm since july, so i'm feeling pretty great 
• i can leg press 100 kg, yup, you read that right. these quads are on fire!

creative: 

• well i quit photography class. that's ok. 
• i did photograph a friend's wedding and if i say so myself, the photos are at least passable for decent, mainly.
• i've knitted three jumpers and two hats. 
• knitted the cosiest throw blanket in the world

::december intentions::

spiritual: 

• finish off beth moore proverbs lecture series
• finish off bible in a year two years
• advent bible study, slow down, wait expectantly for the saviour of the world. 
• two more scriptures make 24 for the year! 

mental: 

• reading against a deadline: great expectations and life of pi (i know) both before i see the films, big hopes people. 

physical: 

• 'tis the season for cakes, and dinners and lunches, and deliciousness, so let's do this alongside the gym eh? 
• legpress 110 kg by 2013!

creative: 

• christmas cards
• christmas knitting 
• christmas decorating
• christmas baking 
• christmas day menu - so many decisions! 

november.

this month has been out of hand. and mainly looks and feels like this:

i'm ready for the waiting of advent. the preparation of our hearts and heads of the coming of christ.

sunday, slow.

a day to simply rest - isn't that a thought?

individual pot roast lunch. a perfect start to sunday afternoon.

watching the all blacks dominate the pitch against scotland. while snuggling under the just-finished (and blocked!) knit blanket.

walking along muddy paths in late afternoon light.

hot chocolate as the sun sets.

evening service at church praising the one who always remembers.

quitting.

i quit this week.

no, not my job. but the period of frenzy that gave way to the deep discontentment at work was met by god's unfailing grace and we are back in a place of sweet contentment, affirmed in the knowledge that i'm here for a reason and a season (just a season longer than i had originally anticipated).

i quit photography class.

earlier this autumn when signing up for both junior league and photography class and adding that to leading bible study and actively participating in our church community and being intentional in my friendships and my marriage, oh and that small part of my day called work; i did wonder if i was biting off more than i could chew. perhaps i should listen to that internal prompting a little more? two weeks into class i knew it was going to be a bit much to handle. i knew because i was struggling to make it all fit. i knew because it meant that i was definitely out of the house three nights in a row. i knew because it felt like my life was spinning out of control. i knew because that angry monster of anxiety that's been on my back all autumn was getting bigger and louder and more overwhelming. i knew that something had to give.

but what's funny is that while dropping the photography class was the obvious choice - it's a finite course of 10 weeks, it was offered at our local community centre so it was relatively inexpensive, and i had only gone for two weeks so it wasn't as if i had half a term of work behind me - my first thought was to drop my volunteering with junior league. and so i got to thinking about it. because really dropping junior league didn't feel right. i had invested a significant amount of time and money and i did enjoy the people and the cause. so why was i thinking to quit it instead?

i think it was my own selfishness getting in the way. i wanted to do the photography course, but it was only going to benefit me, there wasn't going to be a significant impact to the wider world. now please hear me, i think we should do things in our spare time that bring us pleasure and joy. i already do a lot of those things. i read and knit and watch tv and go to movies and cook and workout. we travel extensively and have a nice home. i am not saying that taking a photography course wasn't a good thing to do, i am saying that one of those other good things i just listed would have had to go instead, and i wasn't willing to make that sacrifice.

for a couple of weeks i wrestled with quitting junior league, it didn't feel right and yet staying felt overwhelming. i took it to god in prayer and discussed it with le boy. i chatted about it with friends. and then i realised that actually, what i was being called to lay down wasn't junior league, it was the photography class. and when i did. when i made the decision, the feeling of relief that swept over me was remarkable. i need flexibility in my evenings. to spend time with my husband, to cook and keep our home, to go to the gym or see a friend for a glass of wine. i need the flexibility so that i can give of myself in the homegroup we lead, and the church we attend, and the volunteer activities i am invested in.

last night i realised the reason why this felt so right is because it lines up with our value statement. before we were married le boy and listed our ten values in order. i made a word collage with them and it hangs in our living room. and i realised that i had made the decision in accordance with those values. and then last night when i was worrying about one item over another, i realised, go back to the value statement, what we have decided is important to us as a couple - use this to make decisions.


our values in order are:

god
marriage
family
hospitality
community
health
adventure
learning
travel
service

and so when one part of my life conflicts with another, i will choose according to our values. in some ways it made the decision making process, the weighing up and going back and forth in my mind, the pit of anxiety in my stomach about making the right choice, simply disappear. i know we've already thought long and hard about what we value, so more often than not, making a decision in submission to those values will be on track as well. and that my friends is what i call a lesson in the freedom of obedience.

thought collection.

i need to confess - last night i came into the house super late - like after 1030 late, and i'd still not eaten dinner. whoops. busy day at work, followed by a gym session, followed by a junior league meeting, followed by a glass of wine with the gals after JL...other than that, i cannot account for my subsequent actions. i can barely type this - i had, kraft dinner. which i believe is what canadians call mac & cheese from a box. if i'm honest i was hoping it would fill the void in my fridge. and my heart? i was sorta hoping that a remake of another time would happen when the most satisfying thing in the world was a bowl of kraft dinner. my sister and i used to make KD for sneaky saturday lunches when we were in highschool. ab could tell if the pasta was cooked properly just by stirring the pot. she generally likes to stir the pot. we'd eat it from bowls watching terrible saturday tv with tall glasses of cold milk. always in bowls, always eaten with forks.

it wasn't all that satisfying last night. maybe it's just not the same after you've grown up and left home and developed a better palate. but i think that maybe the key ingredients in KD have almost nothing to do with the taste of something that comes from a cardboard box...i think the key ingredients were probably my sister, and the way she'd commandeer the stirring of the pasta. that i was always the one to add just the right amount of milk and butter. that she'd insist on sprinkling the cheese powder just so. that we'd always have at least one fight and one laugh in the middle of its preparation.

maybe what i really wanted last night wasn't KD at all. maybe it was something familiar. everything these days seems like it's hazy. probably because it's been full steam ahead at work for almost two months now, and there's no release. and probably because it's fall and i love it, but that means that days are shorter here now, much much shorter. and maybe it's because i'm full-tilt busy.

on tuesday le boy met after work, ostensibly to hit the gym, but the traffic was terrible and i said, you know, we could not go to the gym - so we didn't. burgers and a dvd rental (moonrise kingdom) later, life seemed better, or maybe more manageable.

perhaps i've just over-committed. i've probably struggled with this forever. i want to do and be intentional with friends and make a difference in my community and exercise my creativity and live out what i understand god's call on my life to be.

today i bought four kinds of cereal while grocery shopping and i'm hoping that can re-invigorate my mornings. that might be placing too high a calling on cereal. i read this today and this yesterday afternoon, and i think i just might have to heed the suggestion - starting my day well, a little earlier perhaps, with prayer and some quiet physical activity.

we're going away in a couple of weeks. nothing fancy, just a cottage get-away in england. i'm hoping we walk for miles and enjoy the excitement of nothing. i'm planning a week of pre-prepped meals that keep you warm and full. i'm loading my kindle with quiet books. we're planning our dvd viewing. my two main requirements for the cottage: a bath tub and a fireplace. that's the kind of break we need.

it's one foot in front of the other friends. one foot. i think i'll make a roast this weekend. and bake some bread. and eat some cereal of course.

film::review

last night after a delightful dinner with le boy and a good friend, i took myself to the movies. by which i mean we all went to the movies but while the guys enjoyed an action flick (bourne) i slipped into a theatre filled with women and saw take this waltz.

it was undoubtedly, one of the most stunning movies of this summer. i should come clean and say that sarah polley is one of my favourite writers and directors - i was raised on the road to avonlea and i am a total lover all canadiana - she's one of our finest gems. and she's done it again. the film is shot in a way that made me feel melancholy for the homeland. really any film that features both leonard cohen and video killed the radio star is a clear winner. and this is. if you've not seen it, take yourself. sit alone and contemplate relationship and love and how we deal with our boredom, our broken places, our constant desire for more. 

***spoiler alert***

the premise of the film is that margot meets daniel while on an airplane. sharing a cab back from the airport it becomes clear that daniel lives across the street and margot, is married. minor items. there is chemistry between these two. there is also chemistry between margot and her husband of five years, lou. margot and daniel begin an emotional affair, and ultimately, margot leaves lou for the excitement of 'something new.'

it was the very best of films, despite and because it didn't end how i wanted. i wanted for margot to stay in her marriage, work it through with lou and realise that happily ever after, doesn't really happen in real life. instead well, real life happens. which is both happy and sometimes, not so happy.

and really, isn't this a reflection on our current culture - where we say, my happiness is paramount? my feeling alive and contented and excited is more important than sticking to what i've promised? we justify this with naff sentiments of 'deserving to be happy' and 'doing what's best for me'. this film is an excellent critique on the ways in which none of that actually matters. that in the process of pursuing personal happiness so often others are hurt, and in the end we're not all that much happier than when we started.

i took away three thoughts from this film.

one - marriage is fragile. 

i thought this again and again while watching. and really it is so fragile. it requires so much care and protection. it requires a daily choice. marriage is never about me, it is always at minimum, about us, and often, more often than not, about my husband. marriage can be decimated in moments. in small decisions. to continue a friendship that really has more to it. to reconnect with an old flame. to spend a night out with the girls flirting with other men. these are small decisions. in and of themselves, potentially harmless, possibly even justifiable. in reality, these small decisions impact the marriage, change it, subtly. changes have consequences.

let the peace of christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. none of this going off and doing your own thing.  col 3: 15

two - new becomes old. 

there's a scene in the film when margot and her friends are expressing the desire for something 'new' rather than the old they know - how they miss the excitement, the passion, the newness of something new. an older woman overhears this conversation and says, wisely "the new becomes old." and how true. we think that the new will be better, more passionate, filled with excitement and life and everything that we don't have right now. but in truth, the new, it loses its shine. eventually, it becomes sitting on the couch, watching the news and going to bed. this sounds and reads as incredibly boring. maybe it is. but it's also life. it's what you do with this this 'boring', how you make it interesting, how you redeem it, that matters.

enjoy the wife you married as a young man! lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose - don't ever quit taking delight in her body. never take her love for granted! why would you trade enduring intimacies for cheap thrills...? pro 5:18-20

three - do the harder thing. 

i'm not a hater of my generation, but really - as a culture we are terrible at this. my generation particularly. when things get difficult, we try to duck it. we shirk responsibility. we hide. we run. we insist that 'it was just too hard.' what happened to doing the harder thing? not because it's harder, but because in some (many) cases, it's the right thing to do? we've lost the art of sticking it out and trying again. we jump from one thing to the next, we change jobs rather than developing our position, we change churches because it just no longer 'feeds' us. we break up and break down because we'd rather not really put in the effort. we want the quick fix. but actually, for the big things, for the small things for that matter, there is no quick fix. marriage is just a little bit of hard work. that doesn't mean it's hard, but it's certainly not easy.

be even tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. col 3:13

away.

it's come to our attention that we really love london a little bit more, when we don't spend every waking moment in london. she's really very lovely. but then, so are other little bits of this fair isle. we've resolved to try to take little mini-breaks more frequently. just a saturday night away from home can be so refreshing and achieved with such little effort.

this weekend we had hopes for a day at the beach with friends down on the south coast. at lunch on friday i called le boy and said - shall we make a bit of a weekend of it? and so we decided to take a drive down to portsmouth, with a stopover in winchester.

winchester saw us score a fantastic deal on shoes - leather brogues, how i have wanted you for sooooo long. and a wonderful poke around just the loveliest of little shops - the hambledon. it's basically a store of joy. in fact, that is what i declared as we walked in and saw the wall of shelves filled with vintage-y kitchen bits...

i was a goner from the time i saw the weck canning jars. oh. my. word. and i put them to use the other night. i'll explain later.

we ambled around for a couple of hours, and ultimately decided that returning to winchester for a proper visit was really the order of the day. on the list it goes.

we spent the night in portsmouth - a lovely seaside town, with an enormous history of sailing and ports and the shipping trade. after realising that our budget and the cost of touring the ship weren't exactly compatible, we decided to walk around and soak up the free history instead.

we spent the rest of the afternoon napping. it was heavenly.

sunday we drove to christchurch and enjoyed the beach, a little spit of land which requires a 10 minute ride on a toy train or a 25 min walk. we trained out and walked back. it was a lovely day and it was perfect beach weather. blue sky with the occasional cloud (a nice respite from the sun) and HOT. finally.

and so when we returned to our darling city it didn't seem quite so loud or tiring. and we are planning our next getaway.

august.

it's been a week of catching our breath. the kind that you never feel finished. i mean really, how is one supposed to complete anything with hours of olympic coverage to catch up on? i miss my childhood summer holidays - it's the only time i remember having absolute freedom to watch tv for hours on end, how can a parent really say, stop supporting your country and go outside? plus it was usually 35 outside and humid and really midday and outside was less attractive, to everyone.

but now, i'm working and depend on sneaking peeks online during the day and using catch-up player in the evenings. it's a bit bizzare to live in the same city as the olympics. and it's great. plus it's bringing friends back to us for a week, so in my opinion, it's amazing!

this weekend will be spent assembling IKEA dressers (yes!) and organizing the last of our clothes. i can definitively say that  we officially have too many workout clothes. it's crazy. insane-crazy. i'm not sure i'd be exaggerating if i said that fully one-half of the combined wardrobe was workout gear. i told you. insanity.

we'll also celebrate our first anniversary - but that deserves it's own excitement. and post.

last week we started off the olympics with a viewing of the road race. there were high hopes for a british medal that just weren't to be, but it was great to get out and see the excitement of the cycling community, in a place we so regularly enjoy. le boy kept saying, "it's just so weird to see them cycling on my cycle route..." i'm going to diving on tuesday with a friend, and i'm so excited! and we're hoping to catch some more live events over the next week.

july recap: 

spiritual:

• i've kept up with the nehemiah study and LOVE it! such a great dig into the old testament, it has been a blessing on my summer. 
• memorisation has flagged a little, with travelling and a bit of laziness, but neh 2:18 has been a great scripture to think about regularly. 

mental: 

• completed three books in july, each of them such wonderful reads that i believe the deserve a little post all their own. but if you've not yet read the following, download them to kindle, rush out to buy them at your local bookstore, or click on over to amazon...beautiful, inspiring reads, each of them.
• a visit from the goon squad - jennifer egan 
• state of wonder - ann patchett 
• gilead: a novel - marilynne robinson 

physical: 

• i wanted to be active everyday of our vacation - this was easily achieved in the hot (but dry heat) california. not so easily achieved in ontario where our days were packed from morning to night and the humidty was almost oppressive. it reached over 40 one day, that did me in. 

creative: 

• plane crochet - a nice little basket for my knitting in the front room 
• diy around the house - pillow covers sewn, spray painted picture frames, lots of painting in a small room, dreaming up finishing touches 

::august intentions::

spiritual: 

• finish out the nehemiah study strong 
• pick up the last of my bible-in-a-year-two years plan and get to work on finishing it 
• memorise three scriptures 

mental: 

• reading 'the art of fielding' by chad harbach and finding it absorbing. 
• read something else 

physical: 

• i will admit that i've started weight watchers - and it's working! i've lost 4.5 lbs! which feels really, really good. i'm using the online plan and think that it might be the key to some success for me. i realised that really, i'm already so active that i have to change my eating habits (particularly that cheese as an afternoon snack habit)
• my trainer has me on a new four days a week strength plan and i would LOVE to actually hit the gym consistently four days a week - i'm looking forward to some serious strength gains this month! 

creative: 

• finishing the drapes and bits of home-dec sewing that are languishing (on my kitchen table no-less) 
• finishing off decorating the spare room and 'lounge' ie family room 
• begin my autumn knitting project. i realised that i needed to get going if i wanted to actually be able to wear it come the cooler weather - which here, is sadly, just around the corner

enjoy august friends - i just love the meaning of the word - to inspire awe and admiration - i am hoping that this month does just that for all of us! 

july.

oh it's that time again. a new month, a new post, a new page.

june recap:

spiritual:

• memorised jer 31:3 & psalm 34:1
• finished reading the power of a praying wife - this book has completely brought my prayer life, for our marriage and for my husband, alive! i worked my way through this book day by day this month and intend to continue to do so daily, but i can see how if we were walking through a difficult season i may turn to just a few prayers for specific times. 
• started nehemiah: a heart that can break, by kelly minter, alongside the living proof beth moore blog, this is my first workbook bible study and i am already loving it. having specific things to do each day and questions to answer is definitely my style! i'm so looking forward to this summer spent in nehemiah. 

mental: 

• canada - by richard ford was an epic tale. it is a story of crime, but really it is a story of how we are redeemed, of how our past does not dictate our future, of how life can be shambles and slowly it can be pieced back together, of how life can seem very good and within hours a life can change. it's long but in a good way. 
• still reading francis chan's crazy love. 

physical: 

• i'm struggling in this area. partly it's my own issue, seeing progress as only a weight issue. but with all the gym time i'm doing, i'm not losing pure weight. i'm trying to come to terms with that. but i am doing very well with rehab - i'm single leg pressing more than 60kg, i'm choosing to work exercise into my daily life and i'm working on my head space regarding my body and my weight. 

creative: 

• sewing has happened. 
• knitting has happened. 
• crochet has happened. 
• baking has happened.
• i'll try to post about each in time. 

::july intentions::

we're away on vacation for the middle two weeks - hello california and ontario! i'm so looking forward to some summer reading, warm weather and being active.

spiritual:

• keep up with my nehemiah daily study, and video sessions
• continue with memorisation - this week we're memorising neh 2:18: i told them how the gracious hand of my god had been on me. 

mental:

• reading the goon squad a recommendation from julie at fresh basil - and liking it already. 
• summer reading choices are coming later this week, so stay tuned! 

physical:

• we're running in a colour run in a couple weeks, a 5K where they throw colour dye at you the whole time and you end up a rainbow - sound hilarious and really fun, plus i'm doing this with one of my old running partners who's moved to the Bay Area, so that's awesome. 
• i have a goal to break a sweat, from movement and not from humidty or heat, 5 days a week this month. 
• i'm going to focus this month on inches. i'm hoping to lose two inches overall. and i'm not going to look at a scale for a month 

creative: 

• some plane creativity is upcoming - namely, crocheting and socks, but that will be good! 
• i started our new living room drapes over the weekend, one is done, the other, isn't started, i'd like to be finished by the end of july. 

wednesday wanderings.

the sun has finally broken through! this momentous event deserves recognition. as someone said to me yesterday, all this weather tracking just tells us what we already know - this has been the wettest spring ever. and it really has, rain and rain and COLD. yesterday there was not one, not two, but THREE hail storms. not pretty, particularly seeing as i was caught in one as i dashed from bus stop to train station.

i read this blog post today and thought, yes, i should go for a walk. so instead of rushing to the gym for a lunch time workout, i strapped on my trainers and took to the streets. who knows if this weather will last - it would have been an injustice to mankind to bury myself in the basement of a building sweating it under florescent lights.

i popped in my headphones and listened to my bible readings for today. have you ever listened to scripture instead of read it? it's a completely different experience. i'm not sure i concentrate as well, i learn very well from reading - all those masters papers i suppose - but hearing the word changes it. makes me hook on phrases that i might miss otherwise. not a substitute - just a different manner of engaging with god.

so i wandered around, and remarked to myself how amazing it is that i work in the centre of iconic london. from the staff room window i can see st paul's, down the street is trafalgar square, next door is the royal courts of justice and over the bridge is the london eye. it's pretty spectacular and it's worth remembering. i'm sure it won't always be this way.

what a day for a walk. for the word.

let your steadfast love, o lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you. psalm 33:22

may.

april was fantastic, but fast. and i kind of feel that despite a trip to florida, it kicked my butt. we were exhausted before we arrived. and we spent the best part of our time there lounging in front of the pool, reading. it was bliss. and so so needed. but once we got back, i never felt like i got april back in control. so it is, i suppose. i tried to wrest control in a last ditch effort on monday night. i thought, i'll roast a chicken, on a weeknight, and my husband will called me blessed. he did. it was fantastic, and yes, you can roast a chicken (a small one) on a weeknight and still eat at a reasonable hour. on tuesday, i woke up with searing pain down my neck, don't know what caused the neck strain, but i got a sick day for it.

i'm not feeling that may is off to the greatest start. what with the neck, and the weather here in london is beyond terrible, we're talking 8 degrees terrible, and rainy and grey - i can see my breath outside, it's just sad. and i'm praying that my tomato plants make it, if not, eh, i'll buy some more i guess.

but there were some highlights for april:

spiritual:

• memorised deuteronomy 14:2 & zephaniah 3:17 - i've been using redstamp to create prayer cards that act as my background for my phone. i LOVE them! 
• attended the hillsong women's conference - colour - such a fantastic time of teaching and worship and prayer. 

mental: 

• read a lot - a lot of books, and for this single reason, april was redeemed
• one day - david nicholls, i know, old and probably the last person on the planet to read it, it was absorbing and a great holiday read
• the grief of others - leah cohen, poignant and well written from a variety of characters points of view, absorbing and arresting, it's well worth the read 
• escape - carolyn jessop, this was on the bookshelves of our condo, it is a fascinating look inside the cult of the FLDS, and while being a quick read, you do desperately want to know the story. 
• a homemade life - molly wizenberg, fabulous. a memoir, about food, with recipes. hands down fantastic. i felt like i was eating on each page, and there are so many things i want to make from this!
• the tiger's wife - tea obreht, in a list of great reads it's hard to pick one that was greatest, but this might just eek through, if it weren't for what follows...
• crossing to safety - wallace stegner, i'm placing this alongside one of my other favourite novels on marriage - two-part invention by madeline l'engle. it might have been the most beautiful read of this year so far. i couldn't put it down, couldn't stop underlining, couldn't wait to pick it back up. it gave words to sentiments i have about my marriage, and gave me hope for what our marriage could become. it's an honest and achingly beautiful look at the inner workings of a long marriage, and all that entails. go read it now. 

creative: 

baby items have been made, and upon delivery to waiting parents will be produced for the blog, i've picked back up my cardigan, i keep meaning to buy blackout lining for curtains, i keep forgetting. 

physical: 

• not the greatest month from a physical fitness standpoint buti had a great appointment with the lead physio for my knee op though and all is progressing well - so that's good. 
• i turned 28 - and i guess given that i've seen how our bodies are not indestructible, i'm just happy that it's working, that it keeps working and that god-willing it will be that way for a long, long time. 

::intentions for may::

spiritual: keep memorising scripture, i'm finding it such a blessing to my walk. keep digging into the word. 

mental: for my birthday i got a kindle, hence the huge amount of reading last month - i'd like to keep this up, i'm a far happier person when i have my nose in a book. 

physical: my trainer has set me some goals for this month and given me a diet plan. i'm putting my foot down and getting serious about getting my pre-op body back. i know it's possible, it's a matter of discipline and will-power. 

creative: finish my cardigan, bake more (yes i realise this contradicts the previous goal) 

sacred mundane guest post.

i'm guest blogging over at sacred mundane today. join me?  

forty.

le boy turned 40 a couple of weeks ago. and it was a birthday extravaganza to end all others. we are blessed with numerous friends in this big city and so we started things with a big party at a local pub. it was wonderful to have so many people out to celebrate my guy and as often happens at these events, i learn a few new stories, a little insight into my husband. that night i learned just how much people care about him, and the efforts they'll make to celebrate him with me.

i wanted us to have a birthday cake for the occasion so i enquired at a local bakery, when the price tag came back at £125(!) i decided that there must be a better way - after all cake is only flour and eggs right? and it is, admittedly i might have taken on a bit much that weekend, with our saturday night celebrations but i dove in and this was the result.

hummingbird cake recipe, icing design completely ripped off  inspired by a photo i saw online...the learning from this bad boy - it's always better to go with a fluffy icing under a fondant icing...i may or may not have iced this twice.

and if that wasn't enough we had a dozen of le boy's nearest and dearest for a dinner party the following night.

it started as always with some wine and cheese and gift opening. a good friend of marvellous always starts her dinner parties with crackers and cheese and i've shamelessly stolen the idea.

and it continued with, if i do say so myself, the best roast leg of lamb of all time.

i cannot begin to describe this joy. tender and juicy and so delicious. i used jamie oliver's recipe for the 'best roast lamb' he wasn't lying.

full menu :: pinterest board with links to all recipes

caesar salad

roast leg of lamb with mint sauce 

roasted potatoes and carrots 

spicy butternut squash 

lemony green beans 

chocolate pavolova 

it went incredibly well. except the pavolva which i made three times. the directions by the lovely nigella suggest satin peaks for the meringue before adding sugar - it might have been the humidity in my kitchen, which tends to be high and can have an adverse effect on egg whites but these just became seven-minute frosting, twice. my leiths techniques bible, how i love it! suggested whipping to very stiff peaks before adding sugar and it was a success! sadly the photo in the dark kitchen just didn't come out, but suffice to say it approximates the photo online.

in all the celebrations were a success and we felt so immensely blessed to have our friends celebrate this oh so important entrance into a new decade!

arriving.

we have a baby arriving very soon. we cannot wait for her to come. we are oh so excited to share in this joy and this miracle. today i hosted a baby shower for her mummy.

it was ladies and brunch and endless cups of tea and i was terrible and took pictures only with my phone and after they'd all left - but here's what i've got.

menu:

slow cooker gouda sausage casserole - i used regular sausage instead of turkey sausage, and well, it wasn't as successful, so out of the slow cooker, five minutes before people arrived and into the oven. it ended up as a hit!

banana muffins
fruit salad
pink rice krispies
coffee & tea galore
smoothies

and although it is the coldest day of the year here, the tulips are abounding at the market. thanks to le boy who braved the winter morning to fetch them - it changed everything.

february::intentions

it is cold here. bracingly. nothing like the winters of my childhood and youth, dressed and wrapped against the snow, the lake's wind, cheeks perpetually rosy-glow, and never without a hat. but it is cold nevertheless, below-zero cold, deep desires for warm food and warm beds and nights snuggled on the couch with blankets.

i am startled by it. refreshed, hopeful for the days and weeks ahead. in all honesty, i find february difficult - cold and usually grey, i am so desperately pleased to see the golden warmth of sunshine today. it is streaming through my window, warming my back, deceiving me of the truth. i will take its deception.

january was definitely a growing month for us. we're learning how to handle life with us both working and trying to fit in mundane (but important!) tasks of the gym and cooking and laundry. alongside some new opportunities that god's presented us with - namely, we're now leading a homegroup and serving on our church's prayer ministry team. both of these things are blessing us immensely and we are so grateful to be continually immersed in a community that is proclaiming christ. we are also learning that we will need to say no to very fun social things from time to time in order to have time for our marriage, which is also a very fun thing. 

january recap: 

spiritual: memorised acts 20:32 & joshua 1:9

mental: i read the meaning of marriage by tim keller (absolutely fantastic read for both married and single people, seeking to understand biblical, thoughtful, intentional marriage!), i'm still struggling with a room with a view, and if i hadn't said that i'd read it, i probably would have put it down by now. 

physical: i've been to the gym four times a week! i am TIRED. 

bites: one bite at a time has been helpful, but four bites was more than i could chew (pun intended!) and i'm happy to have settled at two - meal planning, which i'm fully in the swing of and cleaning while i cook.

::february intentions::

spiritual: memorise hebrews 4:12 & another scripture

mental: two books, as yet, not chosen, but le boy is currently reading another keller, so it's high on the list of probability

take a photo a day - i missed the first but took two today...i'll try to post all 28, i'm going to experiment with instagr.am i've not used this app very much, but it seems appropriately suited to such a task.  

physical: i'd like to lose a couple of kgs, two to be exact, so that will be the challenge this month! 

bites: establish a morning routine, establish an evening routine

poem for february

Winter Sun

By Molly Fisk

How valuable it is in these short days,

threading through empty maple branches,

the lacy-needled sugar pines.

Its glint off sheets of ice tells the story

of Death’s brightness, her bitter cold.

We can make do with so little, just the hint

of warmth, the slanted light.

The way we stand there, soaking in it,

mittened fingers reaching.

And how carefully we gather what we can

to offer later, in darkness, one body to another.

source: the poetry foundation 

it's a.b.'s half birthday today - you heard me right, we celebrate those sorts of things...so hope you have half a cupcake today kid. love you.

hard?

people said it would be hard. this loving another thing. and it is, i suppose. in a way. dying daily to my wants and putting his first. people said this first year would be filled with hurt and strife and angry words and wordless emotions with nowhere to go. people said i'd feel trapped. people said, it would get easier, with time and prayer and learning each other, we'd know better. people said, get through the first year and you get to start at the good stuff. 

but this thing, isn't really all that hard. it's hard work. but when your co-labourer sits next to you. when he emails in the morning to see if your journey was good. when he books an appointment with the sports massage guy because he knows you've been waking up in the night from the pain of a body knitting itself back together. when there's a delightful moment of standing in a hallway, our hallway, laughing and being close, because it's our house and we can. it's not even all that much hard work.

and i'm not all that certain why it's not hard. we've done some pretty hard things in these first six months. we've walked through joblessness and surgery. through money woes and recovery. we've started to establish our family and figure out how to do laundry and dishes and cleaning and work and friends and budgets and parties and bible studies and sharing a bed and sharing a bathroom and who gets the remote and what music to listen to and eating at the table and taking out the rubbish and ironing his shirts and sending the thank you notes and going to church and submitting faithfully day after day to each other, and to christ. that's what these first six months have been about. i wouldn't trade those months of joblessness now, we got en entire extra month of just-the-two-of-us-time. i expect i'll be grey and he'll be grey-er before that happens again.

and yes, all of it can be hard at any given point, but never have i wondered if we were right - i know, deep down that this is what love looks like. the bending down and picking up his discarded socks. the way he readies for work all quiet so that i can sleep longer. the conversations that last way too late into the night.  i know that love is saturday morning rugby for him and girls night for me. and that we do it willingly, even when we don't feel that way, when we release each other, the other wants to come back. 

this hard work, it's worth it. all of it. even the laundry. it is the good stuff. 

biting.

i mentioned in my new years resolution post that i was hoping to utilize the downloadable book - one bite at a time. with lots and lots of great tips for simplifying life. i decided to start with something i falter at, but had been endeavouring to get the hang of: meal planning. this has become even more important as we adjust to both of working and being out of the house often for more than 12 hours a day. there's no time for detours to the store, and because we commute by public transport, it's actually not all that easy to pick something up on the way, particularly when the local shop has closed!

i've found a great resource - plan to eat. what a genius idea! it allows you to plan your meals using an online meal planner, you can type up meals that you have in recipe books, or import recipes from online sources. it's really incredibly simple, and once you've added a recipe, it's stored in your online file! this is a paid for service, but the first month is a free trial, so there's no risk. i am LOVING it. particularly because we've simplified grocery shopping. we're now doing grocery delivery. delivery in london is very common, and not terribly expensive. plus i'm already seeing a reduction in our grocery bill simply because there are very few impulse purchases. it fits around our schedule and means that i can shop on my lunch hour and have groceries delivered the next morning before i leave for work! so online meal planning, coupled with online grocery shopping is a huge simplification of my life.

the second 'bite' i took on, i did so accidentally. i had meant to try and start a morning routine - but it wasn't going very well, a series of late nights and variable mornings has lead me to putting the morning routine idea to the side for this month. instead, as i read through the book and this just kind of 'happened' i most noticed it over the weekend.


clean as you cook:  as my mother and sister will attest, and my husband, while i'm a pretty decent cook, i'm not so great about the mess that is created during the 'creative process.' yesterday was a big cooking day. i made this delicious casserole (chicken and butternut squash and pasta and parmesan cheese? yes please!) but that meant roasting a squash and a chicken, which i did early the morning. a practice run at le boy's birthday cake and then the actual creation of the casserole meant for a huge mess. but actually, i cleaned as i went, putting away items as i used them, gathering scraps in a bowl, wiping up spills as they happened, soaking dishes for easy clean up later, wearing an apron. really none of it was hard, but it made the cooking and the clean up a breeze!

some of the tips from one bite include:


• Place a “garbage bowl” or container for food scraps and peelings on your main work surface.
• If you have a double sink, run one side half full of hot soapy water for hand washing and dish rinsing, leaving the other free for washing vegetables or draining pastas.
• Keep a broom and dustpan handy for flour or sugar spills on the floor.
• Have a few clean dry towels on hand for countertop spills and drying dishes.

i've taken the last one a bit further and adopted a 'side' towel, as explained here. such a great thing to do and so easy. what i've realised is that this will mean i have slightly more kitchen laundry each week, but it also means that i'm not stressed about the state of my kitchen.