bearing with.

i wrote this originally to a friend in the midst of a grief, but now, i realise, it is for all my friends, my family, for people i don't even know, who are grappling with living this side of heaven. the world is full of weight isn't it? 

it's mainly a jumble of thoughts. but it's all i could manage.

Your email came and I resisted opening it. I knew what it was going to say, my soul sank. Even before reading your words, my heart took on a heaviness in mere moments that can only be the Spirit asking me to bear with you, to carry this burden to the Lord. I was wondering how it gets to be such a gloriously beautiful day and for this news to shatter it. I've been ruminating on what it means to bring a sacrifice of praise, I’m sure you could teach me a thing or two, you always could. And so with this heaviness I am praising him, from whom, we know, flows everything. Him, who works all things for good. Him who lead this stumbling girl to your family almost a decade ago and said, love her, and you did. I love you as one of my spiritual mothers, I love you as a sister in Christ, I love you as one who does not say it nearly ever enough.

You are stronger than you know. I am honoured to be on your prayer list. I think of your family, of you, so much, so much. I am waiting and working to become a woman of the Lord and the Word as you are. I am astounded by the grace with which you live. 

I am unable to give words to this thing. 

I suppose I should call you one of my first mentors (I hate that word). The hours you spent loving me toward Jesus. The hours you heard my heart when it was covered by so many words. The times you honoured the woman-girl as she worked out this thing called following Jesus. What a task. Thank you.

May I tell you that my single best hug of all time came from you? I can remember the weight of your hand on the back of my head as you brought me close. I can remember the children dancing around our legs. I can remember thinking this is the best hug of my life. It was full of gratitude and mercy and Christ and grace. It was on an ordinary Sunday morning in the Church hall, with the smell of Freshee and Elmer’s glue still lingering in the air.

I know this comes as a blow again. I know there are no words for this pain, this confusion, this hurt. I know there is darkness the creeps in around the edges at times like these. I was loved toward Jesus enough to know that all of this is ok. I know that you know this too, but I’ve learned we sometimes need to be held in prayers by those who can believe for us, if only for a moment while we gather ourselves and with our fingernails cling to faith. 

I know that in moments like this there are knots in your stomach (mine too…) and it feels like you’ve come to the end of yourself. I could say something like but it’s ok, because at the end of yourself is where Jesus will carry you, and he will, he has, he is. But it’s not comforting now to say that. It sounds hollow in my head, my heart beats faster and a lump raises in my throat. Tears well. It is impossible to not sound trite at a moment like this. 

But know that we have this incredible ability, my sister, to bear with each other. To carry grief for one another. And I am pleading with God for some of yours. He’ll give it, he’s faithful.

I will bear your burdens and pray for grace. I will expect miracles, I will give a sacrifice of praise. I can only hope it will ease this somehow. I can only pray for that. 

now.

hearing: scripture songs: vol. 1 by sherri youngward

seeing: the glorious blue sky of a crisp november morning.

feeling: the sun on my face, the breeze in the air, signs of glorious creation.




thinking: it's a fine day for a autumn wedding.

witnessing: dear friends saying 'i will'

reading: winter of the world: book two of the century trilogy by ken follett

tasting: lindt caramel sea salt dark chocolate - do yourself a favour and get some!

memorising: habbakuk 3:17&18

Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.

:posted on the go:

orange and turquoise.

the vacation was exactly what we needed, time away to recharge and reconsider and return! and return we have. the olympics get officially underway in a few hours, the city is a-buzz with lots of people and a feeling of hope, because really, isn't that what the whole thing's about? i love it. and i love that i'm here to experience it! we're catching the men's road cycling tomorrow seeing as they are coming through our neck of the woods (literally) and a kind friend has offered me a ticket along to some diving! so so excited. we'll try to catch the marathon and maybe the cycling time trial. and of course, we live in wimbledon, so there's always the crowd roaring just down the road. it gonna be great! plus some of our great friends are returning to this fair city for and we are hosting which just tickles me beyond belief. 

but in between spectating and working and hosting, we're on the diy path. our time in california was spent with dear dear friends who have the cutest little house just outside san fran. they've been in their place less time than we've been in ours, but are much more established. the whole - how to actually decorate a house has paralysed me. what if it goes wrong? i guess we repaint.

so this weekend my wonderful husband has agreed to paint the final room without any adornment. we've decided to keep with the soft grey that's been used in the bedroom and the living room, mainly because we have leftover paint, and because, well, it makes things easy and keeps the space feeling connected (or so say the decorating mags...)

i was lucky enough to snag some cool curtains from marvellous while i was home - in grey. so grey it is. with orange. we chose orange boxes some time ago for open shelving storage, they aren't going anywhere and actually, orange and grey really work. i should mention that this plan includes spray painting a ceramic statue of a horse bright orange. i inherited this from my grandmother (and have been assured it is of no value other than sentimental). and i love it. partly because she made it, and partly because well, it's going to be an orange horse. (grin)

ignore the homebase sign, it's just where we get our paint, not part of the design elements...

and turquoise, well it's predetermined. the kitchen already has bits, and apparently i'm drawn to it. i can't explain this. it just happens. it happened to marvellous also, there's shots of it throughout her house. i'm my mother's daughter. i probably say that once a week now...

so i'm framing three prints of butcher cuts (we're clearly not vegetarians, but really, i'm the grandaughter of a cattle farmer, so there's little hope for me there) in turquoise frames, and thinking of an oil cloth on the table and utilizing one of my absolutely favourite wedding gifts -a turquoise water pitcher. hopefully it will bring the the kitchen and dining room into a more cohesive space.

art on walls, cushions on chairs, drapes on windows. i know it's simple, it's just about getting. it. done.

for bebe.

we all know how much i love babies, and maybe more than that, i love making for babies. in the past couple of years i've made dozens of little items. there are a few good things about making for baby. it's fast, the wool is soft and the stuff is cute. i never look at a baby item and not swoon. well except for maybe weird things with monsters - what is it with monsters on baby items?

i digress. in a few weeks another of our clan will welcome their first babe. it's an exciting time. and while i pretty much make something for any baby i even hear of appearing on the scene, there are some babies who are just that little bit more special. they tend to fall into the category of 'family, or might as well be family we are just that tight' this babe is of the second order. and because i've not yet made a baby blanket that hasn't been well received (no pun intended) i thought i'd do it again. seeing as this wee-one is to be a summer child, we needed something a bit lighter and more airy. and because i actually did much of this while travelling last month, i opted to crochet instead of knit.

i worked off this pattern on purlbee.com - just sized it down to be about 22" x 26". i finished the edges with a single crochet edge. this was very simple, if not a little repetitive. the colour, well, i went with a grey because the gender is, as yet, unknown. i think the element of surprise is so much fun! and i'm all about neutrals anyway. the yarn is drops baby merino. it's my go-to for all baby projects, great feel to the yarn and fully washer and dryer friendly, which is so important with baby items.

we hope the wee-one will snuggle up with the blanket for years and years to come.

forty.

le boy turned 40 a couple of weeks ago. and it was a birthday extravaganza to end all others. we are blessed with numerous friends in this big city and so we started things with a big party at a local pub. it was wonderful to have so many people out to celebrate my guy and as often happens at these events, i learn a few new stories, a little insight into my husband. that night i learned just how much people care about him, and the efforts they'll make to celebrate him with me.

i wanted us to have a birthday cake for the occasion so i enquired at a local bakery, when the price tag came back at £125(!) i decided that there must be a better way - after all cake is only flour and eggs right? and it is, admittedly i might have taken on a bit much that weekend, with our saturday night celebrations but i dove in and this was the result.

hummingbird cake recipe, icing design completely ripped off  inspired by a photo i saw online...the learning from this bad boy - it's always better to go with a fluffy icing under a fondant icing...i may or may not have iced this twice.

and if that wasn't enough we had a dozen of le boy's nearest and dearest for a dinner party the following night.

it started as always with some wine and cheese and gift opening. a good friend of marvellous always starts her dinner parties with crackers and cheese and i've shamelessly stolen the idea.

and it continued with, if i do say so myself, the best roast leg of lamb of all time.

i cannot begin to describe this joy. tender and juicy and so delicious. i used jamie oliver's recipe for the 'best roast lamb' he wasn't lying.

full menu :: pinterest board with links to all recipes

caesar salad

roast leg of lamb with mint sauce 

roasted potatoes and carrots 

spicy butternut squash 

lemony green beans 

chocolate pavolova 

it went incredibly well. except the pavolva which i made three times. the directions by the lovely nigella suggest satin peaks for the meringue before adding sugar - it might have been the humidity in my kitchen, which tends to be high and can have an adverse effect on egg whites but these just became seven-minute frosting, twice. my leiths techniques bible, how i love it! suggested whipping to very stiff peaks before adding sugar and it was a success! sadly the photo in the dark kitchen just didn't come out, but suffice to say it approximates the photo online.

in all the celebrations were a success and we felt so immensely blessed to have our friends celebrate this oh so important entrance into a new decade!

new year.

2011 was a big year for many of our peeps, us included. we saw good friends return stateside. we welcomed babies, we looked on with love as men and women we'd been friends with for years said 'i will' and walked into the glorious mess that is marriage. 2011 was full of travel and good things and new experiences and joy and sorrow, above all, it was busy. very busy. but new year's weekend, blessedly, was not.

stateside friends returned for an (all-too) brief time, and as has happened so many times, parents of our good friends opened their home and their hearts to a gaggle of us. my love-tank was so filled at the end of that weekend, my stomach groaning from the unbelievably good meals that seems to just appear, as if by magic, from the kitchen. it was a weekend in the countryside, complete with sheep grazing in the pasture outside our bedroom window and talks of old memories and new blessings and how christ is working it all for good while standing in kitchens and warming ourselves by the aga. it was walks along the rolling hills in wellie boots while we recounted the goodness of our god, while we mourned the broken parts of lives, while we longed for a completeness that will always seem a little elusive this side of majesty. it was tea and card games and immense, joyful laughter, because these people are your people, they understand you, and love you regardless. it was a quiet weekend, and the perfect start to the new year.

grace.

i've recently downloaded a new app. 1000 gifts - based on the book 1000 gifts, by ann voskamp, which i'm currently listening to and LOVING. a great[ful] way to list daily thanks, on the go and with your phone. love it.

and so here's mine from today.

how she's always been right beside me.

candlelight illuminating humble (homemade) table.

pillows from old jumpers, now a cozy corner.

new wool waiting for fingers to fly. 

woollens wet on the line - waiting to warm.

a thoughtful gift from my most recent visitor.

 as we enter advent, remembering who HE is! (printable here)

get the app here. 

preparation.

i wrote a little about preparing the other week. i am grateful to have had the time to ready us for the operation. it all went smoothly and life here, while quiet, is very peaceful because of those preparations. i rest easy knowing there is food is the freezer and wool ready for the needles and period dramas queued for watching. i rested easy because marvellous came and gave up her week to love on us and care for us. i am amazed by the endless stream of visitors we have had, who take time out of their busy weeks to travel to a small suburb in london so that i may have company. we are filled with visits and doctors appointments and naps. and yet despite all this preparation. despite the prayers and cooking and the finishing up of things and the emails and people from abroad. we weren't quite ready. and i suppose we never are. 

change, big or small, demands attention and time and energy. and there are always bits for which you are not prepared. the pain. or the feelings of being unwell. the kindness that has been shown you. the unexpected care packages. i was not prepared for any of these things. and yet, in his grace, we are given what we need, as we need it. and so the medication does a great job of numbing the physical pain and the care package takes away the sting of separation from family. i am learning to ask for and receive help. i am learning to allow others. to count my thanks. to be patient. to heal.

we are never completely prepared. we cannot be. there would be no painful healing, no growth, no unexpected delight.

"Behold, I send my messenger, and he will prepare the way before me. And the Lord whom you seek will suddenly come to his temple; and the messenger of the covenant in whom you delight, behold, he is coming, says the Lord of hosts. Malachi 3:1

baby blessings.

i'll start by saying - we're NOT pregnant. we don't intend to be for a while. but as it turns out, everyone around us, is pregnant. i've lost count, and really this makes me extremely happy. i get to knit super cute baby items, i get to hold and play with new babies, i get to give the babies back. someday, someone will hand a baby back to me, just not soon!

and so, i'm always stuck with a little conundrum - what to get the wee babe? there are a ton of cute things out there, but i can make stuff. and i like making stuff. and i like that it's fast. baby knitting, is so so so fast. i love it. in fact, i've been pre-baby knitting. the other night le boy asked who the latest item on my needles was for, and i said, i don't know, but there will be someone. the littleness of it all is super cute. and the quickness of it all is super gratifying. plus, i love knowing that new babes are wearing something made with a little bit of love.

i found this darling printable on the 'on to baby' site - the follow on site from the weddingchicks - we used wedding chicks for all our stationery at the wedding and i LOVED it. as a cute little gift i made booties with some matching note cards. one of which i used as our card, and a few others for them to use as notes from the babe.

the bootie pattern can be found here.

cards.

i'm a big believer in christmas cards. truthfully, i've not been great at the whole thing in the past, but i love love love sending cards, receiving cards - looking at people's cards online. living abroad means that we need to be even more on the ball. i've recently made our christmas cards and while i'm not going to show you just yet what we've chosen. i will point you to the fabulous site where i got my download.


becky higgins. there's a photo scrapbooking idea that she came up with called project life - so super cool and i think it may just top my christmas wish list - i would love a way to keep all the memories that i shoot with my camera in a more tangible way!

on her free stuff page - free people - you can download lots of goodies, but particularly at the moment, christmas and holiday cards!

i gave myself a crash course on using picnik premium to add a photo to our selected card and i just love how it turned out! (ps, with picnik premium you can do layering, so you don't need to have photoshop or elements - i got a one month subscription for less than £3, if i like it, i'll upgrade to the yearly subscription, plus i love how it integrates with my picasa pool for the blog!)

we have a couple of 'family guidelines' when i comes to our cards - first, we don't say 'happy holidays.' we are big believers that christmas is about christ. so the card must say 'merry christmas.' second, if possible we'd like a place for a scripture verse. finally, we wanted a meaningful picture - we have dozens to choose from this year, so that was easy!

i've placed my free order with snapfish (new customers get 40 free prints) and paid the shipping. i plan to write the cards when i'm laid up with the knee and need a distraction.

i'll post our card later, but for now - enjoy deciding which you'll choose!

twenty-eight::newlywed::food

::: to see all 31 days of posts please click here :::

food friday. i'm starting to really like the idea. this month of blogging has been amazing, for one, it's given me the opportunity to see what i really like blogging about. one of those things is food. big surprise, eh?

as i mentioned yesterday we had a dinner guest last night. a good friend whom we've not seen in ages. and the chance to sit down around the table and just talk and love and enjoy the friendship was such a blessing. i mentioned yesterday that one of my keys to weeknight entertaining is to keep it simple, but also, to make sure that we're eating food that we'd serve to others. (to clarify, i'd serve a good homemade soup with cheese and bread to a guest, so it doesn't have to be fancy, just tasty!)

i've had enormous success with many jamie oliver recipes over the years, but particularly with his book: jamie at home. an intended inspiration for kitchen gardening, i do find that the recipes are easy because they expect the seasons. and many of them are just right for an after work dinner - nice, good, wholesome food that doesn't take an enormous amount of time, but does show an effort.

quick sausage meatballs with a tomato and basil sauce, spaghetti and green beans

adapted from jamie at home

serves 4 

• olive oil
• 6-8 good-quality pork sausages
• 500g spaghetti
• sea salt
• 400 g green beans
• a block of Parmesan cheese, to serve
• a few sprigs of fresh rosemary, leave picked

for the tomato sauce
olive oil
• 2 cloves of garlic, peeled and finely sliced
• a small bunch of fresh basil, leaves picked, stalks finely chopped
• 2 x 400g tins of good-quality plum tomatoes
• sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
• good-quality balsamic vinegar

jamie's original recipe can be found here. i've adapted it to make for less washing up, and because i couldn't see the need for the separate pans...i also substituted green beans, as peas aren't really available any more.

heat a large saucepan (i used our le creuset) and add a few tbsp of olive oil. squeeze sausage meatballs out of casings directly into the hot pan, you should get about three meatballs per sausage. fry, rolling them around the pan until browned.

in the meantime put a large pot of water onto boil for the pasta, cook pasta according to directions and your preferred taste. in the last 3 minutes, place green beans in a colander on top of your pasta water to cook/steam.

add tinned tomatoes to meatballs*, add crushed garlic, and chopped basil. use a pair of tongs to crush whole tomatoes, breaking up as you stir. allow to simmer for 10-15 min, reducing slightly. add rosemary and a splash of balsamic to finish the sauce. simmer for another minute or so. (i also add a tad of either honey, brown sugar or agave nectar to all my tomato sauces to cut the acidity).

sprinkle with remaining basil leaves and parmesan to serve.  delish!

*here is where i changed things up slightly

cleared table.

twenty-seven::newlywed::friends

::: to see all 31 days of posts please click here :::

how do you balance friends and work and volunteering and exercise and courses and church and laundry and housekeeping? it's such a difficult thing at times, to be engaged in what's happening around us, to acknowledge all that we've been entrusted with, to find time for everything that needs time. at the moment we're also trying to be very aware of our pennies, and so, where we used to meet up for dinner after work or grab brunch on a weekend, we're scaling back. but that doesn't mean that we don't deeply desire to be part of our friends lives, to engage with them and to share a meal.

dinner with family last christmas in rented flat.

i deeply believe in the power of food to connect and show care and love, food is a communing experience. but even food that we buy and serve to guests, while almost always much less expensive than one restaurant meal, let alone two, still costs money.

i should pause here and say that while i try to be conservative with our food budget, and to use sales and bulk up meat with extra less expensive food (think pasta and vegetables), we still eat very well. partly this is because i'm fortunate to know my way around a kitchen, and i enjoy spending my time stood in front of the stove. partly it is because we strongly believe that we need to nourish our bodies and our souls with good, healthy, nutritious food, and partly this is because i come from a farming background, i know how hard farmers work and we want to support local and national farming wherever possible. all of this means two things: i try to stretch our food dollars wherever possible, but we also don't skimp on what we serve to ourselves or to others.

setting the table in florence, italy on weekend break with friends.

so how to be hospitable while saving money? tonight we're having a good friend over, dinner is a sausage pasta dish with a salad, it's not fancy but it will be good - and may star here tomorrow on 'food friday' if i've done my maths right, dinner for three (plus leftovers for my lunch tomorrow) will be less than £7. for me the secret is don't serve yourself something you wouldn't serve a guest. this makes meal planning simple, it also means you can invite people over for dinner last minute, and it means that you are going to be eating well the other nights of the week.

last night on my way home i bought us a slow cooker - we thought about if it was worth it, would we use it and could we justify the price, given our budget - here's what we've come up with: the slow cooker was massively on sale: £12.99, normally £40, and it allows us to cook meat only once or twice a week and either using that meat throughout the week, or freezing the cooked meat to add to other dishes later. this also has the bonus of allowing us to serve great meals to our weeknight dinner guests without breaking the bank or having a stressful hour between getting home from work and guests arriving. finally, i am having knee surgery in a few weeks, and will be literally off my feet for a while. which will mean very little or no cooking, so le boy will be our primary cook - and dumping things into a slow cooker and being done with it seems like a good idea! throughout the month of november i'll report back on slow cooker life, food fridays will have a theme for the month.

perhaps we should warn our friends they have a season of slow roasted pork and braised beef in their future?

ten::newlywed::friends

::: to see all 31 days of posts please click here :::

before we started looking for our home - we started praying for it. we feel a responsibility to open our home, to feed our friends, to be welcoming. hospitable. yesterday we celebrated thanksgiving. and there are so many things to be thankful for. but right now. here. i'm thankful for friends. near and far. 

how to be friends as a couple? i touched on this a few days ago, and really it's a bit of a negotiation between us at the moment. we have friends each of us have known for years, friends with new partners, completely new friends, friends who are no longer with us here in london. how do you decide who to be friends with? who to invite to dinner parties? who to invest time with? 

we don't do everything together (gasp!) i spend time with my girlfriends sharing coffee or brunch, a phone catchup or a skype date and le boy does the same (although it's more likely to be sharing a beer with the guys!). he loves cycling and regularly goes out for a ride with a friend or two. i meet the girls for a quick drink after work. we squeeze friends in, and then we also make time for friends. we do stuff with couples and singles alike. our dinner table always has space for one (or more) more - and we try to welcome at least one extra at least once a week. 

to that end we actually have a running list of people we want to invite over. sometimes it's spontaneous - a quick dinner tomorrow night at ours? issued via text late the night beforehand. other times, as is common in a big and busy city, dates are planned weeks, sometimes months ahead. for events like this week, i try to issue proper invites - sometimes even by mail! by keeping ideas of who to invite next we don't leave people out. it means that our table never goes a week without a friendly face next to us and it means our hearts that much fuller for having a few moments with them all. to. ourselves. 

 

nine::newlywed::faith

::: to see all 31 days of posts please click here :::

 

thanksgiving you say? in october? well seeing as i'm canadian, yes indeed! i choose to live abroad, i didn't choose to leave all my customs behind, and honestly, any custom that involves enormous amounts of food, gathering the people you love, and the beginning of autumn, is pretty great. so we did thanksgiving, uk-style. which means we had chicken instead because turkeys aren't ready until december - but poultry is poultry right? and we used our teeny-tiny kitchen to feed 5,000 - ok 8, but it was a learning experience! 
 

i've hosted thanksgiving before, but this time was definitely different, because we were hosting thanksgiving. it was a team effort - as i write le boy is cleaning up the teensy but fairly messy kitchen! (now that's something to be thankful for!!!!) and because it was new for us, i changed things up a bit, dishes which were stars around my parents' table were switched  for slightly less involved items. i found great inspiration from this easy how-to guide, complete with downloadable timeline for a trouble-free thanksgiving from real simple. 

 

the menu included:

• chicken, stuffed with a lemon, rosemary and thyme (the single best way to roast a chicken!)  
• garlicky green beans
• easy (make-ahead) stuffing
• mashed potatoes
• crispy sweet potatoes
• salad (contributed by a lovely guest) 
• gravy (of course)
• flourless brownies (recipe coming later in the week) 
• apple crisp (another contribution)

i had a fantastic time placing little touches around the house - as seen yesterday. the centrepieces were candles and some squash with acorns we collected last weekend while in richmond park (i filled le boy's pockets!) and berries from a tree that grows in our garden. 

printables for the place cards and wine glass markers can be found here.  clairebella has some lovely printables! so much of my thanksgiving inspiration can be found on my thanksgiving pinterest board. 

and here is my list of thanks - i'll never be able to list it all. his grace is enough, his mercy new every morning.

• a messy kitchen - i have friends to cook for and food to eat
• a husband who cleans up after everyone's left so i can post this
  
• friends gathered around a dinner table
• welcoming compatriots into our home 
• candles filling the space with warm, soft light 
• using the silver set that used to grace grandma's table, now feeding my family 
• signs of autumn all around 
• weather good enough to sit in the garden before the mid-afternoon meal 
• the warm bath that's waiting for me 
• good books 
• a home to open to others 
• telephone calls and text messages across oceans 
• a dishwasher 
• a saviour who has rescued this mess of a girl, called her by name and promised a future.

amen.