thoughtful thursday.

i have had the enormous pleasure of reading this summer. i think god has been giving me an opportunity to indulge in one of my favourite pastimes before the babe comes. what a joy!

two books that have been hugely influential on how i am framing this next season have been margin by richard swenson, and bread & wine by shauna niequist.

margin suggests that we live the moments of our lives right up against the next moments - leaving no space for rest or play or unscheduled 'interruption' but that in actuality, the margin is where god has space to show up and move within our lives. if we are living without margin we are unable to grasp the grace-times the father has waiting for us. if we are always rushing to the next thing we aren't able to stop for a chat on the street with a neighbour, or meet a friend for a spontaneous coffee. we aren't able to rest well or to play well. we are late and 'too busy' and tired. and we lose the space for grace in our lives. further, we lose the space for showing grace to others.

bread and wine is a fabulous you-must-read-this-book-right-now collection of stories about food and faith. about gathering together around a table, breaking bread, sharing wine, doing what jesus did with his friends in the upper room, and engaging in community. on our holiday le boy and i reflected that one thing we have not done as much of in the last six months is open our home and fill our table with friends and food. and while there are good reasons for this - namely the small soul joining our family in november - it has felt a more empty season in our home and is something we hope to press into more as we go forward.

and so what have i done as i think about making space for grace? how do i make space for the sacred around in our lives, around our table, living intentionally in community and being available for the spirit to use me in unexpected ways? how can i live a less busy, more intentional life? i'm sure i'll be puzzling this through for many, many years to come. i imagine this is an area where i might always struggle. but i know what i'd like my life to look like - i know that this is how i'd like to live.

potato salad.

last night was one of those where you rush into the house, rustle up dinner and are back on the road not too long after. we have a lot of those nights - something about church life requires it. at times i find it exhausting, but usually, i love that we have a community to love us, a place to go that feels like home, and adding a good meal to that is just icing on the cake.

years ago i created a roasted potato salad with pesto. it might be the first real 'recipe' i ever thought of on my own, i was proud and my family LOVED it. one night at a dinner party a friend of my mom's asked for the recipe, the highest praise. but the beauty is that it's just humble ingredients.

heading home last night, knowing i was short on time and there were few ingredients in the fridge i wondered what i could do with eggs, bacon and potatoes that wasn't breakfast for dinner...an hour later this was on the table...and it was good enough for lunch today.

roasted potatoes and red pepper, greens slightly wilted by the heat, crispy fried bacon, and just perfect hard/soft boiled eggs (i'm talking about the sweet spot in between a soft boiled egg and a hard boiled egg where the yolk is just slightly gooey and the whites are hard).

pesto potato salad meets breakfast.
serves 3-4

time required: 45 minutes, 25 hands on.

ingredients:

• 6 eggs 
• 1/2 kg (1 lb) of baby new potatoes
• 1 red pepper 
• 2 tbsp olive oil 
• 8-12 rashers (strips) of bacon 
• two large handfuls of greens (i used baby spinach, watercress and rocket) 
• 2 tbsp pesto (prepared or homemade) 

directions: 

• heat oven to 200 C, 425 F, place a medium pot of water onto boil, cut bacon into 1/2" pieces, roughly dice (1") potatoes and red pepper 
• spread potatoes and red pepper on baking sheet, toss in olive oil and season with salt and pepper, roast for 30-45 until golden and crisp
• over medium-high heat fry bacon until crisp, once done, set aside, but do not drain (you want the flavourful fat)
• once water is boiling cook eggs on a low simmer for 7 minutes (essential for the perfect middle). when finished run under cold water for a minute to allow handling, peel and chop roughly.
• once potatoes are roasted transfer to bowl, along with roasting oil, add bacon and rendered fat and toss with pesto. add salad greens. 
• plate salad, add eggs, enjoy. 

linked.

may i just encourage you to visit this today?

may our days reflect this balance of the word and work and wandering. amen and amen.

ann voskamp on how to keep sanity. 

via incourage.me

sunday, slow.

a day to simply rest - isn't that a thought?

individual pot roast lunch. a perfect start to sunday afternoon.

watching the all blacks dominate the pitch against scotland. while snuggling under the just-finished (and blocked!) knit blanket.

walking along muddy paths in late afternoon light.

hot chocolate as the sun sets.

evening service at church praising the one who always remembers.

quitting.

i quit this week.

no, not my job. but the period of frenzy that gave way to the deep discontentment at work was met by god's unfailing grace and we are back in a place of sweet contentment, affirmed in the knowledge that i'm here for a reason and a season (just a season longer than i had originally anticipated).

i quit photography class.

earlier this autumn when signing up for both junior league and photography class and adding that to leading bible study and actively participating in our church community and being intentional in my friendships and my marriage, oh and that small part of my day called work; i did wonder if i was biting off more than i could chew. perhaps i should listen to that internal prompting a little more? two weeks into class i knew it was going to be a bit much to handle. i knew because i was struggling to make it all fit. i knew because it meant that i was definitely out of the house three nights in a row. i knew because it felt like my life was spinning out of control. i knew because that angry monster of anxiety that's been on my back all autumn was getting bigger and louder and more overwhelming. i knew that something had to give.

but what's funny is that while dropping the photography class was the obvious choice - it's a finite course of 10 weeks, it was offered at our local community centre so it was relatively inexpensive, and i had only gone for two weeks so it wasn't as if i had half a term of work behind me - my first thought was to drop my volunteering with junior league. and so i got to thinking about it. because really dropping junior league didn't feel right. i had invested a significant amount of time and money and i did enjoy the people and the cause. so why was i thinking to quit it instead?

i think it was my own selfishness getting in the way. i wanted to do the photography course, but it was only going to benefit me, there wasn't going to be a significant impact to the wider world. now please hear me, i think we should do things in our spare time that bring us pleasure and joy. i already do a lot of those things. i read and knit and watch tv and go to movies and cook and workout. we travel extensively and have a nice home. i am not saying that taking a photography course wasn't a good thing to do, i am saying that one of those other good things i just listed would have had to go instead, and i wasn't willing to make that sacrifice.

for a couple of weeks i wrestled with quitting junior league, it didn't feel right and yet staying felt overwhelming. i took it to god in prayer and discussed it with le boy. i chatted about it with friends. and then i realised that actually, what i was being called to lay down wasn't junior league, it was the photography class. and when i did. when i made the decision, the feeling of relief that swept over me was remarkable. i need flexibility in my evenings. to spend time with my husband, to cook and keep our home, to go to the gym or see a friend for a glass of wine. i need the flexibility so that i can give of myself in the homegroup we lead, and the church we attend, and the volunteer activities i am invested in.

last night i realised the reason why this felt so right is because it lines up with our value statement. before we were married le boy and listed our ten values in order. i made a word collage with them and it hangs in our living room. and i realised that i had made the decision in accordance with those values. and then last night when i was worrying about one item over another, i realised, go back to the value statement, what we have decided is important to us as a couple - use this to make decisions.


our values in order are:

god
marriage
family
hospitality
community
health
adventure
learning
travel
service

and so when one part of my life conflicts with another, i will choose according to our values. in some ways it made the decision making process, the weighing up and going back and forth in my mind, the pit of anxiety in my stomach about making the right choice, simply disappear. i know we've already thought long and hard about what we value, so more often than not, making a decision in submission to those values will be on track as well. and that my friends is what i call a lesson in the freedom of obedience.

now.

hearing: scripture songs: vol. 1 by sherri youngward

seeing: the glorious blue sky of a crisp november morning.

feeling: the sun on my face, the breeze in the air, signs of glorious creation.




thinking: it's a fine day for a autumn wedding.

witnessing: dear friends saying 'i will'

reading: winter of the world: book two of the century trilogy by ken follett

tasting: lindt caramel sea salt dark chocolate - do yourself a favour and get some!

memorising: habbakuk 3:17&18

Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.

:posted on the go:

thought collection.

i need to confess - last night i came into the house super late - like after 1030 late, and i'd still not eaten dinner. whoops. busy day at work, followed by a gym session, followed by a junior league meeting, followed by a glass of wine with the gals after JL...other than that, i cannot account for my subsequent actions. i can barely type this - i had, kraft dinner. which i believe is what canadians call mac & cheese from a box. if i'm honest i was hoping it would fill the void in my fridge. and my heart? i was sorta hoping that a remake of another time would happen when the most satisfying thing in the world was a bowl of kraft dinner. my sister and i used to make KD for sneaky saturday lunches when we were in highschool. ab could tell if the pasta was cooked properly just by stirring the pot. she generally likes to stir the pot. we'd eat it from bowls watching terrible saturday tv with tall glasses of cold milk. always in bowls, always eaten with forks.

it wasn't all that satisfying last night. maybe it's just not the same after you've grown up and left home and developed a better palate. but i think that maybe the key ingredients in KD have almost nothing to do with the taste of something that comes from a cardboard box...i think the key ingredients were probably my sister, and the way she'd commandeer the stirring of the pasta. that i was always the one to add just the right amount of milk and butter. that she'd insist on sprinkling the cheese powder just so. that we'd always have at least one fight and one laugh in the middle of its preparation.

maybe what i really wanted last night wasn't KD at all. maybe it was something familiar. everything these days seems like it's hazy. probably because it's been full steam ahead at work for almost two months now, and there's no release. and probably because it's fall and i love it, but that means that days are shorter here now, much much shorter. and maybe it's because i'm full-tilt busy.

on tuesday le boy met after work, ostensibly to hit the gym, but the traffic was terrible and i said, you know, we could not go to the gym - so we didn't. burgers and a dvd rental (moonrise kingdom) later, life seemed better, or maybe more manageable.

perhaps i've just over-committed. i've probably struggled with this forever. i want to do and be intentional with friends and make a difference in my community and exercise my creativity and live out what i understand god's call on my life to be.

today i bought four kinds of cereal while grocery shopping and i'm hoping that can re-invigorate my mornings. that might be placing too high a calling on cereal. i read this today and this yesterday afternoon, and i think i just might have to heed the suggestion - starting my day well, a little earlier perhaps, with prayer and some quiet physical activity.

we're going away in a couple of weeks. nothing fancy, just a cottage get-away in england. i'm hoping we walk for miles and enjoy the excitement of nothing. i'm planning a week of pre-prepped meals that keep you warm and full. i'm loading my kindle with quiet books. we're planning our dvd viewing. my two main requirements for the cottage: a bath tub and a fireplace. that's the kind of break we need.

it's one foot in front of the other friends. one foot. i think i'll make a roast this weekend. and bake some bread. and eat some cereal of course.

october.

there's a chill in the air. it's definitely autumn around these parts. school has started back, leaves are covering the ground and it's thanksgiving this weekend.

if i'm honest i've felt a bit wordless. truly, my story's feeling a little bit stale. that is until i realise that my story is about so much more than the one thing that distracts me from the rest of the goodness. i'll be honest and say that i'm wrestling with my professional life at the moment, no longer feeling fulfilled in ways i used to be. i'm not sure what to do with the restlessness, but i also know that when god stirs you up, he's usually getting you ready for change.

::september recap::

spiritual:

• tuned into the beth moore simulcast 
• memorised psalm 68:11 & james 2:26 

mental: 

• read: crazy love (finally) it's crazy good, but crazy convicting also.
• read: orange is the new black, entertaining, poignant  a memoir and an insight into the life of a prison inmate and how choices can have long lasting consequences. 
• read: the orchardist, gripping. a novel that centres on how violence can be redeemed by love 
• read: call the midwife, bbc made a television series from this collection of stories of a midwife in post-WWII eastend london, watch the mini-series sure, it was fascinating, but read the book

physical: 

• took a bit of a break, it was necessary and well received, by my body that is! 

creative: 

• finished the drapes! now hung and looking pretty. 
• finished a knitted poncho, just my new favourite item in my wardrobe (photos coming)
• made jersey scarves, liking the diy aspect 

the drapes. finally. 

::october intentions:: 

spiritual: 

• starting a new bible study with our homegroup on grace - so looking forward to what god is going to show us

mental: 

• keep reading (what else would i do?)

physical: 

• start training for a 10km, i'm desperate to start running in earnest again, but i need a goal! 
• finish off the weight loss, i'm really happy with the progress, and i'd like to be finished by the end of the month! 

creative:

• starting a photography course this month, so looking forward to learning more about this art form and not just pointing my camera at things that look pretty! 
• working on a new knitted jumper
• contemplating making this for our living room - big and cozy

august.

it's been a week of catching our breath. the kind that you never feel finished. i mean really, how is one supposed to complete anything with hours of olympic coverage to catch up on? i miss my childhood summer holidays - it's the only time i remember having absolute freedom to watch tv for hours on end, how can a parent really say, stop supporting your country and go outside? plus it was usually 35 outside and humid and really midday and outside was less attractive, to everyone.

but now, i'm working and depend on sneaking peeks online during the day and using catch-up player in the evenings. it's a bit bizzare to live in the same city as the olympics. and it's great. plus it's bringing friends back to us for a week, so in my opinion, it's amazing!

this weekend will be spent assembling IKEA dressers (yes!) and organizing the last of our clothes. i can definitively say that  we officially have too many workout clothes. it's crazy. insane-crazy. i'm not sure i'd be exaggerating if i said that fully one-half of the combined wardrobe was workout gear. i told you. insanity.

we'll also celebrate our first anniversary - but that deserves it's own excitement. and post.

last week we started off the olympics with a viewing of the road race. there were high hopes for a british medal that just weren't to be, but it was great to get out and see the excitement of the cycling community, in a place we so regularly enjoy. le boy kept saying, "it's just so weird to see them cycling on my cycle route..." i'm going to diving on tuesday with a friend, and i'm so excited! and we're hoping to catch some more live events over the next week.

july recap: 

spiritual:

• i've kept up with the nehemiah study and LOVE it! such a great dig into the old testament, it has been a blessing on my summer. 
• memorisation has flagged a little, with travelling and a bit of laziness, but neh 2:18 has been a great scripture to think about regularly. 

mental: 

• completed three books in july, each of them such wonderful reads that i believe the deserve a little post all their own. but if you've not yet read the following, download them to kindle, rush out to buy them at your local bookstore, or click on over to amazon...beautiful, inspiring reads, each of them.
• a visit from the goon squad - jennifer egan 
• state of wonder - ann patchett 
• gilead: a novel - marilynne robinson 

physical: 

• i wanted to be active everyday of our vacation - this was easily achieved in the hot (but dry heat) california. not so easily achieved in ontario where our days were packed from morning to night and the humidty was almost oppressive. it reached over 40 one day, that did me in. 

creative: 

• plane crochet - a nice little basket for my knitting in the front room 
• diy around the house - pillow covers sewn, spray painted picture frames, lots of painting in a small room, dreaming up finishing touches 

::august intentions::

spiritual: 

• finish out the nehemiah study strong 
• pick up the last of my bible-in-a-year-two years plan and get to work on finishing it 
• memorise three scriptures 

mental: 

• reading 'the art of fielding' by chad harbach and finding it absorbing. 
• read something else 

physical: 

• i will admit that i've started weight watchers - and it's working! i've lost 4.5 lbs! which feels really, really good. i'm using the online plan and think that it might be the key to some success for me. i realised that really, i'm already so active that i have to change my eating habits (particularly that cheese as an afternoon snack habit)
• my trainer has me on a new four days a week strength plan and i would LOVE to actually hit the gym consistently four days a week - i'm looking forward to some serious strength gains this month! 

creative: 

• finishing the drapes and bits of home-dec sewing that are languishing (on my kitchen table no-less) 
• finishing off decorating the spare room and 'lounge' ie family room 
• begin my autumn knitting project. i realised that i needed to get going if i wanted to actually be able to wear it come the cooler weather - which here, is sadly, just around the corner

enjoy august friends - i just love the meaning of the word - to inspire awe and admiration - i am hoping that this month does just that for all of us! 

july.

oh it's that time again. a new month, a new post, a new page.

june recap:

spiritual:

• memorised jer 31:3 & psalm 34:1
• finished reading the power of a praying wife - this book has completely brought my prayer life, for our marriage and for my husband, alive! i worked my way through this book day by day this month and intend to continue to do so daily, but i can see how if we were walking through a difficult season i may turn to just a few prayers for specific times. 
• started nehemiah: a heart that can break, by kelly minter, alongside the living proof beth moore blog, this is my first workbook bible study and i am already loving it. having specific things to do each day and questions to answer is definitely my style! i'm so looking forward to this summer spent in nehemiah. 

mental: 

• canada - by richard ford was an epic tale. it is a story of crime, but really it is a story of how we are redeemed, of how our past does not dictate our future, of how life can be shambles and slowly it can be pieced back together, of how life can seem very good and within hours a life can change. it's long but in a good way. 
• still reading francis chan's crazy love. 

physical: 

• i'm struggling in this area. partly it's my own issue, seeing progress as only a weight issue. but with all the gym time i'm doing, i'm not losing pure weight. i'm trying to come to terms with that. but i am doing very well with rehab - i'm single leg pressing more than 60kg, i'm choosing to work exercise into my daily life and i'm working on my head space regarding my body and my weight. 

creative: 

• sewing has happened. 
• knitting has happened. 
• crochet has happened. 
• baking has happened.
• i'll try to post about each in time. 

::july intentions::

we're away on vacation for the middle two weeks - hello california and ontario! i'm so looking forward to some summer reading, warm weather and being active.

spiritual:

• keep up with my nehemiah daily study, and video sessions
• continue with memorisation - this week we're memorising neh 2:18: i told them how the gracious hand of my god had been on me. 

mental:

• reading the goon squad a recommendation from julie at fresh basil - and liking it already. 
• summer reading choices are coming later this week, so stay tuned! 

physical:

• we're running in a colour run in a couple weeks, a 5K where they throw colour dye at you the whole time and you end up a rainbow - sound hilarious and really fun, plus i'm doing this with one of my old running partners who's moved to the Bay Area, so that's awesome. 
• i have a goal to break a sweat, from movement and not from humidty or heat, 5 days a week this month. 
• i'm going to focus this month on inches. i'm hoping to lose two inches overall. and i'm not going to look at a scale for a month 

creative: 

• some plane creativity is upcoming - namely, crocheting and socks, but that will be good! 
• i started our new living room drapes over the weekend, one is done, the other, isn't started, i'd like to be finished by the end of july. 

sew-nice.

a few weeks ago le boy and i had a conversation that went like this:

him: hey babe, if we got you a new good sewing machine how long would it last? 

me: hmmm about 20 years. 

him: let's go tomorrow morning. 

and when we went to john lewis and spoke with the lovely and helpful sales lady, she informed us that yes, they do last 20 years, in fact they last longer :) i was pretty certain about what i wanted (a jonome) le boy, being the consummate value for money man, asked a lot of questions, maybe more questions than most men would ask in the sewing department, and definitely more than a man who won't ever actually touch a sewing machine should ask. but i kinda love that he did, because it means that he cares about the stuff i care about. (ok sappy portion is over). in the end we walked out with a janome, of course we paid for the privilege. 

so what else to do but put the new baby to work? 

and work she has!

wanting to dress up our bed i made a few quick throw pillows. the basic how-to for cushion covers is here with a great measurement guide for the most common sizes. 

i wanted to dress them up a bit and turned to martha for some ribbon inspiration.

for the loopy centre pillow.

and for the rosette.

i just pintucked the ruffle until i liked it and sewed straight down the centre of the ribbon.

all very easy and very very quick!

and for the thing i'm currently most proud of? the console table slip cover! an ikea expedit bookcase turned on its side and covered now provides oodles of hidden storage. the instructions and genius behind this is found from in the sept 2011 canadian house and home.

(and isn't the new chair pretty?) we're ambling our way toward finishing up the living room. in my dreams i'm sewing the curtains this weekend...

summer skin.

we've been experiencing a heatwave here in england. we're into the high twenties and hopefully staying for a while...

also of note - there's no air conditioning here. i mean none. large office buildings might be, but not mine. and definitely not our house. one can cope with a fan and open windows, (thank goodness for allergy medication!) but anyway you cut it, it's warm. so now, a completely frivolous post about summer make-up :)

i don't want to wear heavy foundation in the heat, and while i normally go for a powder (bare minerals, yes please!) it can be a bit tricky when droplets of perspiration wet your brow. in comes, the tinted moisturiser. i've been using this one for years, i love the coverage, and the dewy but not wet look it gives. keihl's ultra facial tinted moisturiser with SPF 15 is my summer go-to.

allergies and itchy, watery eyes can spell disaster for mascara. well unless it's blinc and it's amazing. it only comes off with warm water and slight pressure, so it also means an end to eye makeup remover!

personally, i look better with a little colour on my cheeks - something that suggests i have health and vitality, even when i'm not sleeping very well because it's so darn hot! clinique blushwear cream stick works very well with the tinted moisturiser and blends well in the heat. a slightly bronzy glow is preferred so i like shy blush.

and finally, don't forget those lips! staying with natural look i choose a pink lipstick from laura mercier - aptly named rose. but on days i want a little extra punch i take a cue from marvellous and go all out with a fuschia from mac.

this is my bare bones daily summer look - i don't really do much in the way of eye shadow or eyeliner in the summer - creases and smears just don't wear well - and i like the fresh faced look.

now let's just hope this fabulous weather continues and i'll be all set!

wednesday wanderings.

the sun has finally broken through! this momentous event deserves recognition. as someone said to me yesterday, all this weather tracking just tells us what we already know - this has been the wettest spring ever. and it really has, rain and rain and COLD. yesterday there was not one, not two, but THREE hail storms. not pretty, particularly seeing as i was caught in one as i dashed from bus stop to train station.

i read this blog post today and thought, yes, i should go for a walk. so instead of rushing to the gym for a lunch time workout, i strapped on my trainers and took to the streets. who knows if this weather will last - it would have been an injustice to mankind to bury myself in the basement of a building sweating it under florescent lights.

i popped in my headphones and listened to my bible readings for today. have you ever listened to scripture instead of read it? it's a completely different experience. i'm not sure i concentrate as well, i learn very well from reading - all those masters papers i suppose - but hearing the word changes it. makes me hook on phrases that i might miss otherwise. not a substitute - just a different manner of engaging with god.

so i wandered around, and remarked to myself how amazing it is that i work in the centre of iconic london. from the staff room window i can see st paul's, down the street is trafalgar square, next door is the royal courts of justice and over the bridge is the london eye. it's pretty spectacular and it's worth remembering. i'm sure it won't always be this way.

what a day for a walk. for the word.

let your steadfast love, o lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you. psalm 33:22

r-word.

i've spent most of my life interrupting conversations to let people know that using the 'r-word' isn't ok. i'd usually say 'don't say that in front of me please' or 'please don't use that word' and most often i'd get a 'what's it to you' in response. what's it to me?

i have a cousin with down syndrome.

i spent my university years working with special needs children.

i work with people who brilliant and have austism spectrum disorder - you probably do too.

i have friends with ADD.

what's it to me is that i'm not cool with friends and family and colleagues being made fun of. and really, you shouldn't be either.

this video, spells it out brilliantly. i love it. and i hope you'll share this. if you use the r-word, i hope you'll think about it twice next time before opening your mouth.

may.

april was fantastic, but fast. and i kind of feel that despite a trip to florida, it kicked my butt. we were exhausted before we arrived. and we spent the best part of our time there lounging in front of the pool, reading. it was bliss. and so so needed. but once we got back, i never felt like i got april back in control. so it is, i suppose. i tried to wrest control in a last ditch effort on monday night. i thought, i'll roast a chicken, on a weeknight, and my husband will called me blessed. he did. it was fantastic, and yes, you can roast a chicken (a small one) on a weeknight and still eat at a reasonable hour. on tuesday, i woke up with searing pain down my neck, don't know what caused the neck strain, but i got a sick day for it.

i'm not feeling that may is off to the greatest start. what with the neck, and the weather here in london is beyond terrible, we're talking 8 degrees terrible, and rainy and grey - i can see my breath outside, it's just sad. and i'm praying that my tomato plants make it, if not, eh, i'll buy some more i guess.

but there were some highlights for april:

spiritual:

• memorised deuteronomy 14:2 & zephaniah 3:17 - i've been using redstamp to create prayer cards that act as my background for my phone. i LOVE them! 
• attended the hillsong women's conference - colour - such a fantastic time of teaching and worship and prayer. 

mental: 

• read a lot - a lot of books, and for this single reason, april was redeemed
• one day - david nicholls, i know, old and probably the last person on the planet to read it, it was absorbing and a great holiday read
• the grief of others - leah cohen, poignant and well written from a variety of characters points of view, absorbing and arresting, it's well worth the read 
• escape - carolyn jessop, this was on the bookshelves of our condo, it is a fascinating look inside the cult of the FLDS, and while being a quick read, you do desperately want to know the story. 
• a homemade life - molly wizenberg, fabulous. a memoir, about food, with recipes. hands down fantastic. i felt like i was eating on each page, and there are so many things i want to make from this!
• the tiger's wife - tea obreht, in a list of great reads it's hard to pick one that was greatest, but this might just eek through, if it weren't for what follows...
• crossing to safety - wallace stegner, i'm placing this alongside one of my other favourite novels on marriage - two-part invention by madeline l'engle. it might have been the most beautiful read of this year so far. i couldn't put it down, couldn't stop underlining, couldn't wait to pick it back up. it gave words to sentiments i have about my marriage, and gave me hope for what our marriage could become. it's an honest and achingly beautiful look at the inner workings of a long marriage, and all that entails. go read it now. 

creative: 

baby items have been made, and upon delivery to waiting parents will be produced for the blog, i've picked back up my cardigan, i keep meaning to buy blackout lining for curtains, i keep forgetting. 

physical: 

• not the greatest month from a physical fitness standpoint buti had a great appointment with the lead physio for my knee op though and all is progressing well - so that's good. 
• i turned 28 - and i guess given that i've seen how our bodies are not indestructible, i'm just happy that it's working, that it keeps working and that god-willing it will be that way for a long, long time. 

::intentions for may::

spiritual: keep memorising scripture, i'm finding it such a blessing to my walk. keep digging into the word. 

mental: for my birthday i got a kindle, hence the huge amount of reading last month - i'd like to keep this up, i'm a far happier person when i have my nose in a book. 

physical: my trainer has set me some goals for this month and given me a diet plan. i'm putting my foot down and getting serious about getting my pre-op body back. i know it's possible, it's a matter of discipline and will-power. 

creative: finish my cardigan, bake more (yes i realise this contradicts the previous goal) 

cake.

sometimes, i don't know why, i get it in my head that the weekend will be incomplete without a cake. the thing about cake though is that with two of us, it's usually a little while before the entire cake gets eaten...so i'm always on the lookout for cakes with some heft and that appear rather dense and moist.

101 cookbooks is one of my favourite cooking blogs, although i'm usually too intimidated to actually cook anything from the site - the strange and wonderful ingredients are just so california, and i definitely live in england (grin.). but when i saw this last week, i knew i had to make it. pitched as the perfect cake for toting around, i knew it would have the resiliency to stand strong for days to come - and indeed, we're still eating it - it's been packed for lunch today!

a colleague and i the other day were remarking that while we don't crave a treat after dinner necessarily, after lunch at work, it seems almost imparative. perhaps it's the whole having to eat lunch at your desk? the blandness of being at work? or just the need for a midday pick-me-up? personally, i think it is due to my packed lunches as a child always including a cookie or a square, something to finish off the lunchbox...lunch treats are the best kind.

i won't attempt to rewrite the recipe, heidi does it so well here. i'll just tempt you with instagram photos of the gorgeous, delicious, luscious and wonderful thing that it is. it's not even all that sinful - what with yogurt, maple syrup and whole wheat flour, it's practically healthy! i could see this making an foray into a regular baking routine. a cake that can last.

sacred mundane guest post.

i'm guest blogging over at sacred mundane today. join me?  

friday confessions

• i don't always change the water cooler bottle when i know it's close to empty. i already change it about twice as much as anyone else because my office is across the hall. i know, it would be nice of me to change it every time, i'm working on it. 
•  i bought new shoes on my way to work this morning. but they are pretty shiny gold-bronze, and they are supposed to "tone my legs" while i walk - i'm a sucker for advertising. does it make it better that they were on massively reduced?

• i'm officially banned from the banana republic/gap website i can barely control myself - case in point: two (!) pairs of skinny jeans and a skirt - but again all reduced - shocking to think i used to buy full price! 
•  for the second friday in a row i've started the day with a massage - it seems less luxurious when i also mention that the therapist literally digs his elbow into my thigh - none of this relaxing stuff - unless by relaxing you mean pushing yourself as hard as you can into the bed to make it hurt less :) healing is officially painful. 
•  i had sushi for lunch, I wasn't organised enough to make my lunch today - but man the sushi was good
•  i've missed the gym twice this week - i'm telling myself it's because the knee is sore and needs a rest - really i'm just a little bit lazy 
•  i've become slightly obsessed with doing my nails, by which i mean, paying someone to do them for me 
•  i'm still trying to figure out how to get to the steam room at the gym this weekend, i think of it as a poor woman's spa. 
•  it's really cold here right now, actually really cold. i self-soothed this morning with a starbucks hot chocolate. it was yummy.

:posted on the go:

february::intentions

it is cold here. bracingly. nothing like the winters of my childhood and youth, dressed and wrapped against the snow, the lake's wind, cheeks perpetually rosy-glow, and never without a hat. but it is cold nevertheless, below-zero cold, deep desires for warm food and warm beds and nights snuggled on the couch with blankets.

i am startled by it. refreshed, hopeful for the days and weeks ahead. in all honesty, i find february difficult - cold and usually grey, i am so desperately pleased to see the golden warmth of sunshine today. it is streaming through my window, warming my back, deceiving me of the truth. i will take its deception.

january was definitely a growing month for us. we're learning how to handle life with us both working and trying to fit in mundane (but important!) tasks of the gym and cooking and laundry. alongside some new opportunities that god's presented us with - namely, we're now leading a homegroup and serving on our church's prayer ministry team. both of these things are blessing us immensely and we are so grateful to be continually immersed in a community that is proclaiming christ. we are also learning that we will need to say no to very fun social things from time to time in order to have time for our marriage, which is also a very fun thing. 

january recap: 

spiritual: memorised acts 20:32 & joshua 1:9

mental: i read the meaning of marriage by tim keller (absolutely fantastic read for both married and single people, seeking to understand biblical, thoughtful, intentional marriage!), i'm still struggling with a room with a view, and if i hadn't said that i'd read it, i probably would have put it down by now. 

physical: i've been to the gym four times a week! i am TIRED. 

bites: one bite at a time has been helpful, but four bites was more than i could chew (pun intended!) and i'm happy to have settled at two - meal planning, which i'm fully in the swing of and cleaning while i cook.

::february intentions::

spiritual: memorise hebrews 4:12 & another scripture

mental: two books, as yet, not chosen, but le boy is currently reading another keller, so it's high on the list of probability

take a photo a day - i missed the first but took two today...i'll try to post all 28, i'm going to experiment with instagr.am i've not used this app very much, but it seems appropriately suited to such a task.  

physical: i'd like to lose a couple of kgs, two to be exact, so that will be the challenge this month! 

bites: establish a morning routine, establish an evening routine

poem for february

Winter Sun

By Molly Fisk

How valuable it is in these short days,

threading through empty maple branches,

the lacy-needled sugar pines.

Its glint off sheets of ice tells the story

of Death’s brightness, her bitter cold.

We can make do with so little, just the hint

of warmth, the slanted light.

The way we stand there, soaking in it,

mittened fingers reaching.

And how carefully we gather what we can

to offer later, in darkness, one body to another.

source: the poetry foundation 

it's a.b.'s half birthday today - you heard me right, we celebrate those sorts of things...so hope you have half a cupcake today kid. love you.

hard?

people said it would be hard. this loving another thing. and it is, i suppose. in a way. dying daily to my wants and putting his first. people said this first year would be filled with hurt and strife and angry words and wordless emotions with nowhere to go. people said i'd feel trapped. people said, it would get easier, with time and prayer and learning each other, we'd know better. people said, get through the first year and you get to start at the good stuff. 

but this thing, isn't really all that hard. it's hard work. but when your co-labourer sits next to you. when he emails in the morning to see if your journey was good. when he books an appointment with the sports massage guy because he knows you've been waking up in the night from the pain of a body knitting itself back together. when there's a delightful moment of standing in a hallway, our hallway, laughing and being close, because it's our house and we can. it's not even all that much hard work.

and i'm not all that certain why it's not hard. we've done some pretty hard things in these first six months. we've walked through joblessness and surgery. through money woes and recovery. we've started to establish our family and figure out how to do laundry and dishes and cleaning and work and friends and budgets and parties and bible studies and sharing a bed and sharing a bathroom and who gets the remote and what music to listen to and eating at the table and taking out the rubbish and ironing his shirts and sending the thank you notes and going to church and submitting faithfully day after day to each other, and to christ. that's what these first six months have been about. i wouldn't trade those months of joblessness now, we got en entire extra month of just-the-two-of-us-time. i expect i'll be grey and he'll be grey-er before that happens again.

and yes, all of it can be hard at any given point, but never have i wondered if we were right - i know, deep down that this is what love looks like. the bending down and picking up his discarded socks. the way he readies for work all quiet so that i can sleep longer. the conversations that last way too late into the night.  i know that love is saturday morning rugby for him and girls night for me. and that we do it willingly, even when we don't feel that way, when we release each other, the other wants to come back. 

this hard work, it's worth it. all of it. even the laundry. it is the good stuff.