baby.

the reason for the blogging break.

it turns out that the beginning of growing a small human is incredibly exhausting. and so my days were spent like this: wake up (late). work. go home. lay on sofa. go to bed. with a little nausea thrown in for good measure. hence there wasn't anything very exciting to write about. except the most exciting thing to write about (which we weren't telling anyone) - a baby!

well, there you go. i'm due in november and now that i'm enjoying the relatively less exhausting, less ill-feeling period of this pregnancy, i'm hoping to be a bit better about recording our lives.

we are overjoyed. blessed beyond measure. marvelling at god's goodness. overwhelmed by the tiny miracle happening inside. it's good. very good.

quitting.

i quit this week.

no, not my job. but the period of frenzy that gave way to the deep discontentment at work was met by god's unfailing grace and we are back in a place of sweet contentment, affirmed in the knowledge that i'm here for a reason and a season (just a season longer than i had originally anticipated).

i quit photography class.

earlier this autumn when signing up for both junior league and photography class and adding that to leading bible study and actively participating in our church community and being intentional in my friendships and my marriage, oh and that small part of my day called work; i did wonder if i was biting off more than i could chew. perhaps i should listen to that internal prompting a little more? two weeks into class i knew it was going to be a bit much to handle. i knew because i was struggling to make it all fit. i knew because it meant that i was definitely out of the house three nights in a row. i knew because it felt like my life was spinning out of control. i knew because that angry monster of anxiety that's been on my back all autumn was getting bigger and louder and more overwhelming. i knew that something had to give.

but what's funny is that while dropping the photography class was the obvious choice - it's a finite course of 10 weeks, it was offered at our local community centre so it was relatively inexpensive, and i had only gone for two weeks so it wasn't as if i had half a term of work behind me - my first thought was to drop my volunteering with junior league. and so i got to thinking about it. because really dropping junior league didn't feel right. i had invested a significant amount of time and money and i did enjoy the people and the cause. so why was i thinking to quit it instead?

i think it was my own selfishness getting in the way. i wanted to do the photography course, but it was only going to benefit me, there wasn't going to be a significant impact to the wider world. now please hear me, i think we should do things in our spare time that bring us pleasure and joy. i already do a lot of those things. i read and knit and watch tv and go to movies and cook and workout. we travel extensively and have a nice home. i am not saying that taking a photography course wasn't a good thing to do, i am saying that one of those other good things i just listed would have had to go instead, and i wasn't willing to make that sacrifice.

for a couple of weeks i wrestled with quitting junior league, it didn't feel right and yet staying felt overwhelming. i took it to god in prayer and discussed it with le boy. i chatted about it with friends. and then i realised that actually, what i was being called to lay down wasn't junior league, it was the photography class. and when i did. when i made the decision, the feeling of relief that swept over me was remarkable. i need flexibility in my evenings. to spend time with my husband, to cook and keep our home, to go to the gym or see a friend for a glass of wine. i need the flexibility so that i can give of myself in the homegroup we lead, and the church we attend, and the volunteer activities i am invested in.

last night i realised the reason why this felt so right is because it lines up with our value statement. before we were married le boy and listed our ten values in order. i made a word collage with them and it hangs in our living room. and i realised that i had made the decision in accordance with those values. and then last night when i was worrying about one item over another, i realised, go back to the value statement, what we have decided is important to us as a couple - use this to make decisions.


our values in order are:

god
marriage
family
hospitality
community
health
adventure
learning
travel
service

and so when one part of my life conflicts with another, i will choose according to our values. in some ways it made the decision making process, the weighing up and going back and forth in my mind, the pit of anxiety in my stomach about making the right choice, simply disappear. i know we've already thought long and hard about what we value, so more often than not, making a decision in submission to those values will be on track as well. and that my friends is what i call a lesson in the freedom of obedience.

thought collection.

i need to confess - last night i came into the house super late - like after 1030 late, and i'd still not eaten dinner. whoops. busy day at work, followed by a gym session, followed by a junior league meeting, followed by a glass of wine with the gals after JL...other than that, i cannot account for my subsequent actions. i can barely type this - i had, kraft dinner. which i believe is what canadians call mac & cheese from a box. if i'm honest i was hoping it would fill the void in my fridge. and my heart? i was sorta hoping that a remake of another time would happen when the most satisfying thing in the world was a bowl of kraft dinner. my sister and i used to make KD for sneaky saturday lunches when we were in highschool. ab could tell if the pasta was cooked properly just by stirring the pot. she generally likes to stir the pot. we'd eat it from bowls watching terrible saturday tv with tall glasses of cold milk. always in bowls, always eaten with forks.

it wasn't all that satisfying last night. maybe it's just not the same after you've grown up and left home and developed a better palate. but i think that maybe the key ingredients in KD have almost nothing to do with the taste of something that comes from a cardboard box...i think the key ingredients were probably my sister, and the way she'd commandeer the stirring of the pasta. that i was always the one to add just the right amount of milk and butter. that she'd insist on sprinkling the cheese powder just so. that we'd always have at least one fight and one laugh in the middle of its preparation.

maybe what i really wanted last night wasn't KD at all. maybe it was something familiar. everything these days seems like it's hazy. probably because it's been full steam ahead at work for almost two months now, and there's no release. and probably because it's fall and i love it, but that means that days are shorter here now, much much shorter. and maybe it's because i'm full-tilt busy.

on tuesday le boy met after work, ostensibly to hit the gym, but the traffic was terrible and i said, you know, we could not go to the gym - so we didn't. burgers and a dvd rental (moonrise kingdom) later, life seemed better, or maybe more manageable.

perhaps i've just over-committed. i've probably struggled with this forever. i want to do and be intentional with friends and make a difference in my community and exercise my creativity and live out what i understand god's call on my life to be.

today i bought four kinds of cereal while grocery shopping and i'm hoping that can re-invigorate my mornings. that might be placing too high a calling on cereal. i read this today and this yesterday afternoon, and i think i just might have to heed the suggestion - starting my day well, a little earlier perhaps, with prayer and some quiet physical activity.

we're going away in a couple of weeks. nothing fancy, just a cottage get-away in england. i'm hoping we walk for miles and enjoy the excitement of nothing. i'm planning a week of pre-prepped meals that keep you warm and full. i'm loading my kindle with quiet books. we're planning our dvd viewing. my two main requirements for the cottage: a bath tub and a fireplace. that's the kind of break we need.

it's one foot in front of the other friends. one foot. i think i'll make a roast this weekend. and bake some bread. and eat some cereal of course.

orange and turquoise.

the vacation was exactly what we needed, time away to recharge and reconsider and return! and return we have. the olympics get officially underway in a few hours, the city is a-buzz with lots of people and a feeling of hope, because really, isn't that what the whole thing's about? i love it. and i love that i'm here to experience it! we're catching the men's road cycling tomorrow seeing as they are coming through our neck of the woods (literally) and a kind friend has offered me a ticket along to some diving! so so excited. we'll try to catch the marathon and maybe the cycling time trial. and of course, we live in wimbledon, so there's always the crowd roaring just down the road. it gonna be great! plus some of our great friends are returning to this fair city for and we are hosting which just tickles me beyond belief. 

but in between spectating and working and hosting, we're on the diy path. our time in california was spent with dear dear friends who have the cutest little house just outside san fran. they've been in their place less time than we've been in ours, but are much more established. the whole - how to actually decorate a house has paralysed me. what if it goes wrong? i guess we repaint.

so this weekend my wonderful husband has agreed to paint the final room without any adornment. we've decided to keep with the soft grey that's been used in the bedroom and the living room, mainly because we have leftover paint, and because, well, it makes things easy and keeps the space feeling connected (or so say the decorating mags...)

i was lucky enough to snag some cool curtains from marvellous while i was home - in grey. so grey it is. with orange. we chose orange boxes some time ago for open shelving storage, they aren't going anywhere and actually, orange and grey really work. i should mention that this plan includes spray painting a ceramic statue of a horse bright orange. i inherited this from my grandmother (and have been assured it is of no value other than sentimental). and i love it. partly because she made it, and partly because well, it's going to be an orange horse. (grin)

ignore the homebase sign, it's just where we get our paint, not part of the design elements...

and turquoise, well it's predetermined. the kitchen already has bits, and apparently i'm drawn to it. i can't explain this. it just happens. it happened to marvellous also, there's shots of it throughout her house. i'm my mother's daughter. i probably say that once a week now...

so i'm framing three prints of butcher cuts (we're clearly not vegetarians, but really, i'm the grandaughter of a cattle farmer, so there's little hope for me there) in turquoise frames, and thinking of an oil cloth on the table and utilizing one of my absolutely favourite wedding gifts -a turquoise water pitcher. hopefully it will bring the the kitchen and dining room into a more cohesive space.

art on walls, cushions on chairs, drapes on windows. i know it's simple, it's just about getting. it. done.

photo.

a too-far-away friend is a much better photographer than i could ever hope to be. her images inspire me and the work she does, and the reasons she does it are inspiring too.

take a peek at her blog post today. it took my breath away. and her words. oh they are something also.

a.b. is set to arrive in 12 hours. i'm about to run to homegroup (hoping they kept some dinner for this late-at-work-girl.)

so so excited for this weekend and just spending time doing nothing with my single most favourite sibling (ok so she's my only sibling, but it's a sister thing, ya know?)

forty.

le boy turned 40 a couple of weeks ago. and it was a birthday extravaganza to end all others. we are blessed with numerous friends in this big city and so we started things with a big party at a local pub. it was wonderful to have so many people out to celebrate my guy and as often happens at these events, i learn a few new stories, a little insight into my husband. that night i learned just how much people care about him, and the efforts they'll make to celebrate him with me.

i wanted us to have a birthday cake for the occasion so i enquired at a local bakery, when the price tag came back at £125(!) i decided that there must be a better way - after all cake is only flour and eggs right? and it is, admittedly i might have taken on a bit much that weekend, with our saturday night celebrations but i dove in and this was the result.

hummingbird cake recipe, icing design completely ripped off  inspired by a photo i saw online...the learning from this bad boy - it's always better to go with a fluffy icing under a fondant icing...i may or may not have iced this twice.

and if that wasn't enough we had a dozen of le boy's nearest and dearest for a dinner party the following night.

it started as always with some wine and cheese and gift opening. a good friend of marvellous always starts her dinner parties with crackers and cheese and i've shamelessly stolen the idea.

and it continued with, if i do say so myself, the best roast leg of lamb of all time.

i cannot begin to describe this joy. tender and juicy and so delicious. i used jamie oliver's recipe for the 'best roast lamb' he wasn't lying.

full menu :: pinterest board with links to all recipes

caesar salad

roast leg of lamb with mint sauce 

roasted potatoes and carrots 

spicy butternut squash 

lemony green beans 

chocolate pavolova 

it went incredibly well. except the pavolva which i made three times. the directions by the lovely nigella suggest satin peaks for the meringue before adding sugar - it might have been the humidity in my kitchen, which tends to be high and can have an adverse effect on egg whites but these just became seven-minute frosting, twice. my leiths techniques bible, how i love it! suggested whipping to very stiff peaks before adding sugar and it was a success! sadly the photo in the dark kitchen just didn't come out, but suffice to say it approximates the photo online.

in all the celebrations were a success and we felt so immensely blessed to have our friends celebrate this oh so important entrance into a new decade!

february::intentions

it is cold here. bracingly. nothing like the winters of my childhood and youth, dressed and wrapped against the snow, the lake's wind, cheeks perpetually rosy-glow, and never without a hat. but it is cold nevertheless, below-zero cold, deep desires for warm food and warm beds and nights snuggled on the couch with blankets.

i am startled by it. refreshed, hopeful for the days and weeks ahead. in all honesty, i find february difficult - cold and usually grey, i am so desperately pleased to see the golden warmth of sunshine today. it is streaming through my window, warming my back, deceiving me of the truth. i will take its deception.

january was definitely a growing month for us. we're learning how to handle life with us both working and trying to fit in mundane (but important!) tasks of the gym and cooking and laundry. alongside some new opportunities that god's presented us with - namely, we're now leading a homegroup and serving on our church's prayer ministry team. both of these things are blessing us immensely and we are so grateful to be continually immersed in a community that is proclaiming christ. we are also learning that we will need to say no to very fun social things from time to time in order to have time for our marriage, which is also a very fun thing. 

january recap: 

spiritual: memorised acts 20:32 & joshua 1:9

mental: i read the meaning of marriage by tim keller (absolutely fantastic read for both married and single people, seeking to understand biblical, thoughtful, intentional marriage!), i'm still struggling with a room with a view, and if i hadn't said that i'd read it, i probably would have put it down by now. 

physical: i've been to the gym four times a week! i am TIRED. 

bites: one bite at a time has been helpful, but four bites was more than i could chew (pun intended!) and i'm happy to have settled at two - meal planning, which i'm fully in the swing of and cleaning while i cook.

::february intentions::

spiritual: memorise hebrews 4:12 & another scripture

mental: two books, as yet, not chosen, but le boy is currently reading another keller, so it's high on the list of probability

take a photo a day - i missed the first but took two today...i'll try to post all 28, i'm going to experiment with instagr.am i've not used this app very much, but it seems appropriately suited to such a task.  

physical: i'd like to lose a couple of kgs, two to be exact, so that will be the challenge this month! 

bites: establish a morning routine, establish an evening routine

poem for february

Winter Sun

By Molly Fisk

How valuable it is in these short days,

threading through empty maple branches,

the lacy-needled sugar pines.

Its glint off sheets of ice tells the story

of Death’s brightness, her bitter cold.

We can make do with so little, just the hint

of warmth, the slanted light.

The way we stand there, soaking in it,

mittened fingers reaching.

And how carefully we gather what we can

to offer later, in darkness, one body to another.

source: the poetry foundation 

it's a.b.'s half birthday today - you heard me right, we celebrate those sorts of things...so hope you have half a cupcake today kid. love you.

review.

2011 will definitely go down as a memorable year.

amongst other items the following happened:

january: we got engaged in hong kong

feburary: i tore my ACL while skiing in france. we celebrated our engagement with our london friends and marvellous flew over for the party.

march: we celebrated the first wedding of the year

april: we were in canada for easter and wedding planning and a bridal shower, and i had a piece published on (in)courage. and a quick trip with mom to florida.

may: engagement photos and sailing.

june: we found our house and i got a proper road cycle.

july: a fast dash to finish work, move house, attend wedding two of year, and head to canada.

august: we got married! and honeymooned on hilton head island, sc.

september: we found our feet and started this thing called married life. we continued to walk through a jobless period and we so enjoyed being in london.

october: i blogged for 31 days - i loved it, although it was challenging!

november:  we settled into our home and i had knee surgery, marvellous was over for a week to love on us and make sure it all went smoothly.

december: we stayed in one place and loved it. we enjoyed every moment of advent, had a tree and i even got stockings made!

we are astounded at how god has moved through this year. how he has redeemed, is redeeming brokenness and planting fresh seeds in ploughed up souls. we are surrounded by incredible friends who have loved us through some very difficult moments, who are family to us. we have made it through the most fraught and most joyful year i've ever known. we praise his holy name for answered prayer in our marriage and in le boy's recent contract! we are immeasurably blessed and so so grateful that we learned this lesson because of lack. 2011 has been good to us, we look forward with hopeful hearts to 2012.

something new.

'upcycling' is a huge trend these days. i'm sure our grandmothers would laugh if they heard about this - taking something that's no longer fit for its original purpose and giving it new life with a little creativity. part of the 'make do and mend' trend. that being said, i'm loving it. i constantly find things all over the house that can be made into something new.

most recently? old wool sweaters. i love wool - i mean i've usually got some of it tangled in my fingers and ready to keep another warm, but what happens when a sweater is past its prime? i had two sweaters that were in this condition. one sweater, the red one, is more than 30 years old. it originally belonged to marvellous, and i believe was purchased over here in the british isles (we have a long love-affair with this island in my family). i came into ownership about a decade ago and i wore that sweater to death throughout university. the moth holes and thinning elbows making it all the cooler. but now, it just looked pitiful. the second was a super cute short sleeved sweater that i accidentally shrunk in the wash...i tried to wear it a few times after that, but it was never the same. so what to do?

i felted the red sweater in a super hot wash and then dry in the dryer - this thing was half it's original size and had fuzzed up really well. i then cut off the sleeves, hemmed closed the arms and neck holes and stuffed a pillow inside. i then used an invisible stitch to close the seam. the white sweater was of course, already mainly shrunk and so i didn't feel it needed a second whirl. i followed the process a second time and had two sweaters-pillows with minimal sewing or effort. plus, i didn't have to buy any fabric or spend any time knitting to then felt it. and really, that's all folks. they are now sitting pretty in our living room, a little seating nook has been created with a footstool and a few cushions and that's a welcome relief because we are sorely short on seating at the moment!

quiet.

we're pretty quiet around these parts these days. warms drinks and food. enjoying the relief of the pain medication. lots of ice packs. naps in the morning, afternoon and evening. welcome visitors bearing gifts of food and wishes of speedy recoveries. this recuperation thing is exhausting. i'm grateful beyond words for the kind care of le boy and marvellous. i spend much of my day in a room with a small print of 1 thess 5:18 it's a very good reminder.

we're moving slowly. and we are living grateful lives.

monday musings.

to say we're in a bit of a big week is an understatement. if i'm honest, things might be quiet here this week, but for good reason.

• marvellous arrives tomorrow 
• i'm getting work squared away for 2.5 weeks off 
• surgery on thursday for a knee that isn't working the way it should
• job interview for le boy on thursday (yes that's the same day as surgery) 
• i'm getting laundry done and the house tidied and meals in the freezer 

it's a lot. but there are so many blessings. 

find printable here.

• marvellous arrives
• i'm fortunate to work for an employer with generous sick leave 
• my surgeon is the best, and this is pretty much the appendectomy of orthopedic surgery
• le boy has a job interview, in a difficult economy 
• we've spent the weekend getting caught up on laundry and making food and sorting life here and there
• i'll spend the next week with two people who love me better than anyone and i'm already grateful for their grace