thoughtful thursday.

i have had the enormous pleasure of reading this summer. i think god has been giving me an opportunity to indulge in one of my favourite pastimes before the babe comes. what a joy!

two books that have been hugely influential on how i am framing this next season have been margin by richard swenson, and bread & wine by shauna niequist.

margin suggests that we live the moments of our lives right up against the next moments - leaving no space for rest or play or unscheduled 'interruption' but that in actuality, the margin is where god has space to show up and move within our lives. if we are living without margin we are unable to grasp the grace-times the father has waiting for us. if we are always rushing to the next thing we aren't able to stop for a chat on the street with a neighbour, or meet a friend for a spontaneous coffee. we aren't able to rest well or to play well. we are late and 'too busy' and tired. and we lose the space for grace in our lives. further, we lose the space for showing grace to others.

bread and wine is a fabulous you-must-read-this-book-right-now collection of stories about food and faith. about gathering together around a table, breaking bread, sharing wine, doing what jesus did with his friends in the upper room, and engaging in community. on our holiday le boy and i reflected that one thing we have not done as much of in the last six months is open our home and fill our table with friends and food. and while there are good reasons for this - namely the small soul joining our family in november - it has felt a more empty season in our home and is something we hope to press into more as we go forward.

and so what have i done as i think about making space for grace? how do i make space for the sacred around in our lives, around our table, living intentionally in community and being available for the spirit to use me in unexpected ways? how can i live a less busy, more intentional life? i'm sure i'll be puzzling this through for many, many years to come. i imagine this is an area where i might always struggle. but i know what i'd like my life to look like - i know that this is how i'd like to live.

works.

it's cold. well cold for london. below zero for almost a week now, and no signs of warmth until the weekend. on my lunch break today i took the opportunity to go for a walk and grab some lunch. 

it's cold. so i was wearing a ski jacket, a hat, a cowl, and warm gloves. i also had snow boots on my feet. there's nothing particularly special about this, except that i was going to come face to face with one who had none of this. 

i went to my favourite sushi restaurant (even typing that sounds pretentious) and after purchasing my meal and diet coke i sat down and started on my current bible study - james by beth moore. it is one of those that hits you upside the head. james' central message is that faith without works, is dead. that is, if we truly have faith, if we are in obedience to god, we will be showing this in how we live out our lives. we will care for the poor and the widow and the orphan. we will seek justice for those who need it. we will be the hands and feet of christ.


to say the least. it is getting to me. i live a very comfortable life. and while we tithe and give and serve, i know that i rarely step outside my comfort zone and engage with those who aren't like me. when i do, it's almost always in 'safe ways,' through church, or volunteering with a charity.  if i'm honest, the homeless make me feel uncomfortable. i'm ashamed to admit that often times i look away, just not wanting to make eye contact, not wanting to acknowledge that there is a gulf, an ocean, between us in terms of money and social status. ugh. i loathe even writing that. but it's true. that is the state of my sinful heart. 

so back to lunch, i was walking to the post office, i needed to get there in the hour i had. i didn't make it. at the corner i had made a decision between two post offices, equidistant from my office. for no particular reason, i chose one, probably because i am most familiar with it, but really, a post office, is a post office, right? as i was purposefully striding down the street, warm in all my winter gear, i was suddenly confronted with a guy sitting on the very cold pavement. he couldn't have been much older than myself, and i think he was probably younger. and we met eyes and i smiled, he extended an old coffee cup for change, and i said that i was sorry. and as i passed i got a check in my spirit. i could do something about this. but i didn't have any change. i tried to argue with god about it, i had no cash, we're on a tight budget at the moment (although, clearly i had money for lunch!), i'm now fifty yards away. 'turn around and offer to get him a sandwich.' and so i made a u-turn. and if i could describe the feeling inside my chest, i would. but i can't, except to say, i thought my heart would burst, i could sense above all, that today, i was supposed to walk down this street, at this particular time and encounter this man.

'excuse me, sir, i don't have any cash on me, but could i buy you a sandwich?'

'oh love, that's so kind, what i'd really like is a coffee,' he said in a garbled scottish brogue (difficult to understand at the best of times), 'a lat-a'

'pardon me?'

'with LOTS of sugar, a lat-a, with lots of sugar'

'oh a latte?'

'yes with lots of sugar, bless you.'

there is a starbucks about 60 yards down the street, this street is filled with people just like me, busy, well-dressed, business people and university students, i'm almost sure that most of us would have enjoyed to eat and drink during our lunch break today. 10 minutes and £2.50 later, with a fistful of sugar packets i returned. we chatted for a minute, i asked him if he had a warm place to sleep and from what i could understand (again, the scottish accent is difficult to decipher at times) he said he'd met someone earlier who was referring him to st mungos. i wished him good day, that i hoped he could keep warm. i walked down the street, dressed in my warm coat, into my warm office with tears stinging my eyes.

i don't tell you this to ask for praise. the feeling in my soul today, knowing that i was serving one of god's precious children was more than enough. i tell you this because it's cold here in london, and it's cold in much of states and canada. it's too cold to sleep outside at the moment. if you see a homeless person who you think might be sleeping rough, please contact your local homeless agency, in london you can contact st mungo's.

i asked god to open my eyes to need this week, to show me where i could make a difference, how i could put my faith into action, today i got a task i'm particularly good at, i bought a cup of coffee. with LOTS of sugar. 

thought collection.

i need to confess - last night i came into the house super late - like after 1030 late, and i'd still not eaten dinner. whoops. busy day at work, followed by a gym session, followed by a junior league meeting, followed by a glass of wine with the gals after JL...other than that, i cannot account for my subsequent actions. i can barely type this - i had, kraft dinner. which i believe is what canadians call mac & cheese from a box. if i'm honest i was hoping it would fill the void in my fridge. and my heart? i was sorta hoping that a remake of another time would happen when the most satisfying thing in the world was a bowl of kraft dinner. my sister and i used to make KD for sneaky saturday lunches when we were in highschool. ab could tell if the pasta was cooked properly just by stirring the pot. she generally likes to stir the pot. we'd eat it from bowls watching terrible saturday tv with tall glasses of cold milk. always in bowls, always eaten with forks.

it wasn't all that satisfying last night. maybe it's just not the same after you've grown up and left home and developed a better palate. but i think that maybe the key ingredients in KD have almost nothing to do with the taste of something that comes from a cardboard box...i think the key ingredients were probably my sister, and the way she'd commandeer the stirring of the pasta. that i was always the one to add just the right amount of milk and butter. that she'd insist on sprinkling the cheese powder just so. that we'd always have at least one fight and one laugh in the middle of its preparation.

maybe what i really wanted last night wasn't KD at all. maybe it was something familiar. everything these days seems like it's hazy. probably because it's been full steam ahead at work for almost two months now, and there's no release. and probably because it's fall and i love it, but that means that days are shorter here now, much much shorter. and maybe it's because i'm full-tilt busy.

on tuesday le boy met after work, ostensibly to hit the gym, but the traffic was terrible and i said, you know, we could not go to the gym - so we didn't. burgers and a dvd rental (moonrise kingdom) later, life seemed better, or maybe more manageable.

perhaps i've just over-committed. i've probably struggled with this forever. i want to do and be intentional with friends and make a difference in my community and exercise my creativity and live out what i understand god's call on my life to be.

today i bought four kinds of cereal while grocery shopping and i'm hoping that can re-invigorate my mornings. that might be placing too high a calling on cereal. i read this today and this yesterday afternoon, and i think i just might have to heed the suggestion - starting my day well, a little earlier perhaps, with prayer and some quiet physical activity.

we're going away in a couple of weeks. nothing fancy, just a cottage get-away in england. i'm hoping we walk for miles and enjoy the excitement of nothing. i'm planning a week of pre-prepped meals that keep you warm and full. i'm loading my kindle with quiet books. we're planning our dvd viewing. my two main requirements for the cottage: a bath tub and a fireplace. that's the kind of break we need.

it's one foot in front of the other friends. one foot. i think i'll make a roast this weekend. and bake some bread. and eat some cereal of course.

august.

it's been a week of catching our breath. the kind that you never feel finished. i mean really, how is one supposed to complete anything with hours of olympic coverage to catch up on? i miss my childhood summer holidays - it's the only time i remember having absolute freedom to watch tv for hours on end, how can a parent really say, stop supporting your country and go outside? plus it was usually 35 outside and humid and really midday and outside was less attractive, to everyone.

but now, i'm working and depend on sneaking peeks online during the day and using catch-up player in the evenings. it's a bit bizzare to live in the same city as the olympics. and it's great. plus it's bringing friends back to us for a week, so in my opinion, it's amazing!

this weekend will be spent assembling IKEA dressers (yes!) and organizing the last of our clothes. i can definitively say that  we officially have too many workout clothes. it's crazy. insane-crazy. i'm not sure i'd be exaggerating if i said that fully one-half of the combined wardrobe was workout gear. i told you. insanity.

we'll also celebrate our first anniversary - but that deserves it's own excitement. and post.

last week we started off the olympics with a viewing of the road race. there were high hopes for a british medal that just weren't to be, but it was great to get out and see the excitement of the cycling community, in a place we so regularly enjoy. le boy kept saying, "it's just so weird to see them cycling on my cycle route..." i'm going to diving on tuesday with a friend, and i'm so excited! and we're hoping to catch some more live events over the next week.

july recap: 

spiritual:

• i've kept up with the nehemiah study and LOVE it! such a great dig into the old testament, it has been a blessing on my summer. 
• memorisation has flagged a little, with travelling and a bit of laziness, but neh 2:18 has been a great scripture to think about regularly. 

mental: 

• completed three books in july, each of them such wonderful reads that i believe the deserve a little post all their own. but if you've not yet read the following, download them to kindle, rush out to buy them at your local bookstore, or click on over to amazon...beautiful, inspiring reads, each of them.
• a visit from the goon squad - jennifer egan 
• state of wonder - ann patchett 
• gilead: a novel - marilynne robinson 

physical: 

• i wanted to be active everyday of our vacation - this was easily achieved in the hot (but dry heat) california. not so easily achieved in ontario where our days were packed from morning to night and the humidty was almost oppressive. it reached over 40 one day, that did me in. 

creative: 

• plane crochet - a nice little basket for my knitting in the front room 
• diy around the house - pillow covers sewn, spray painted picture frames, lots of painting in a small room, dreaming up finishing touches 

::august intentions::

spiritual: 

• finish out the nehemiah study strong 
• pick up the last of my bible-in-a-year-two years plan and get to work on finishing it 
• memorise three scriptures 

mental: 

• reading 'the art of fielding' by chad harbach and finding it absorbing. 
• read something else 

physical: 

• i will admit that i've started weight watchers - and it's working! i've lost 4.5 lbs! which feels really, really good. i'm using the online plan and think that it might be the key to some success for me. i realised that really, i'm already so active that i have to change my eating habits (particularly that cheese as an afternoon snack habit)
• my trainer has me on a new four days a week strength plan and i would LOVE to actually hit the gym consistently four days a week - i'm looking forward to some serious strength gains this month! 

creative: 

• finishing the drapes and bits of home-dec sewing that are languishing (on my kitchen table no-less) 
• finishing off decorating the spare room and 'lounge' ie family room 
• begin my autumn knitting project. i realised that i needed to get going if i wanted to actually be able to wear it come the cooler weather - which here, is sadly, just around the corner

enjoy august friends - i just love the meaning of the word - to inspire awe and admiration - i am hoping that this month does just that for all of us! 

orange and turquoise.

the vacation was exactly what we needed, time away to recharge and reconsider and return! and return we have. the olympics get officially underway in a few hours, the city is a-buzz with lots of people and a feeling of hope, because really, isn't that what the whole thing's about? i love it. and i love that i'm here to experience it! we're catching the men's road cycling tomorrow seeing as they are coming through our neck of the woods (literally) and a kind friend has offered me a ticket along to some diving! so so excited. we'll try to catch the marathon and maybe the cycling time trial. and of course, we live in wimbledon, so there's always the crowd roaring just down the road. it gonna be great! plus some of our great friends are returning to this fair city for and we are hosting which just tickles me beyond belief. 

but in between spectating and working and hosting, we're on the diy path. our time in california was spent with dear dear friends who have the cutest little house just outside san fran. they've been in their place less time than we've been in ours, but are much more established. the whole - how to actually decorate a house has paralysed me. what if it goes wrong? i guess we repaint.

so this weekend my wonderful husband has agreed to paint the final room without any adornment. we've decided to keep with the soft grey that's been used in the bedroom and the living room, mainly because we have leftover paint, and because, well, it makes things easy and keeps the space feeling connected (or so say the decorating mags...)

i was lucky enough to snag some cool curtains from marvellous while i was home - in grey. so grey it is. with orange. we chose orange boxes some time ago for open shelving storage, they aren't going anywhere and actually, orange and grey really work. i should mention that this plan includes spray painting a ceramic statue of a horse bright orange. i inherited this from my grandmother (and have been assured it is of no value other than sentimental). and i love it. partly because she made it, and partly because well, it's going to be an orange horse. (grin)

ignore the homebase sign, it's just where we get our paint, not part of the design elements...

and turquoise, well it's predetermined. the kitchen already has bits, and apparently i'm drawn to it. i can't explain this. it just happens. it happened to marvellous also, there's shots of it throughout her house. i'm my mother's daughter. i probably say that once a week now...

so i'm framing three prints of butcher cuts (we're clearly not vegetarians, but really, i'm the grandaughter of a cattle farmer, so there's little hope for me there) in turquoise frames, and thinking of an oil cloth on the table and utilizing one of my absolutely favourite wedding gifts -a turquoise water pitcher. hopefully it will bring the the kitchen and dining room into a more cohesive space.

art on walls, cushions on chairs, drapes on windows. i know it's simple, it's just about getting. it. done.

friday confessions

• i don't always change the water cooler bottle when i know it's close to empty. i already change it about twice as much as anyone else because my office is across the hall. i know, it would be nice of me to change it every time, i'm working on it. 
•  i bought new shoes on my way to work this morning. but they are pretty shiny gold-bronze, and they are supposed to "tone my legs" while i walk - i'm a sucker for advertising. does it make it better that they were on massively reduced?

• i'm officially banned from the banana republic/gap website i can barely control myself - case in point: two (!) pairs of skinny jeans and a skirt - but again all reduced - shocking to think i used to buy full price! 
•  for the second friday in a row i've started the day with a massage - it seems less luxurious when i also mention that the therapist literally digs his elbow into my thigh - none of this relaxing stuff - unless by relaxing you mean pushing yourself as hard as you can into the bed to make it hurt less :) healing is officially painful. 
•  i had sushi for lunch, I wasn't organised enough to make my lunch today - but man the sushi was good
•  i've missed the gym twice this week - i'm telling myself it's because the knee is sore and needs a rest - really i'm just a little bit lazy 
•  i've become slightly obsessed with doing my nails, by which i mean, paying someone to do them for me 
•  i'm still trying to figure out how to get to the steam room at the gym this weekend, i think of it as a poor woman's spa. 
•  it's really cold here right now, actually really cold. i self-soothed this morning with a starbucks hot chocolate. it was yummy.

:posted on the go: