thoughtful thursday.

i have had the enormous pleasure of reading this summer. i think god has been giving me an opportunity to indulge in one of my favourite pastimes before the babe comes. what a joy!

two books that have been hugely influential on how i am framing this next season have been margin by richard swenson, and bread & wine by shauna niequist.

margin suggests that we live the moments of our lives right up against the next moments - leaving no space for rest or play or unscheduled 'interruption' but that in actuality, the margin is where god has space to show up and move within our lives. if we are living without margin we are unable to grasp the grace-times the father has waiting for us. if we are always rushing to the next thing we aren't able to stop for a chat on the street with a neighbour, or meet a friend for a spontaneous coffee. we aren't able to rest well or to play well. we are late and 'too busy' and tired. and we lose the space for grace in our lives. further, we lose the space for showing grace to others.

bread and wine is a fabulous you-must-read-this-book-right-now collection of stories about food and faith. about gathering together around a table, breaking bread, sharing wine, doing what jesus did with his friends in the upper room, and engaging in community. on our holiday le boy and i reflected that one thing we have not done as much of in the last six months is open our home and fill our table with friends and food. and while there are good reasons for this - namely the small soul joining our family in november - it has felt a more empty season in our home and is something we hope to press into more as we go forward.

and so what have i done as i think about making space for grace? how do i make space for the sacred around in our lives, around our table, living intentionally in community and being available for the spirit to use me in unexpected ways? how can i live a less busy, more intentional life? i'm sure i'll be puzzling this through for many, many years to come. i imagine this is an area where i might always struggle. but i know what i'd like my life to look like - i know that this is how i'd like to live.

quitting.

i quit this week.

no, not my job. but the period of frenzy that gave way to the deep discontentment at work was met by god's unfailing grace and we are back in a place of sweet contentment, affirmed in the knowledge that i'm here for a reason and a season (just a season longer than i had originally anticipated).

i quit photography class.

earlier this autumn when signing up for both junior league and photography class and adding that to leading bible study and actively participating in our church community and being intentional in my friendships and my marriage, oh and that small part of my day called work; i did wonder if i was biting off more than i could chew. perhaps i should listen to that internal prompting a little more? two weeks into class i knew it was going to be a bit much to handle. i knew because i was struggling to make it all fit. i knew because it meant that i was definitely out of the house three nights in a row. i knew because it felt like my life was spinning out of control. i knew because that angry monster of anxiety that's been on my back all autumn was getting bigger and louder and more overwhelming. i knew that something had to give.

but what's funny is that while dropping the photography class was the obvious choice - it's a finite course of 10 weeks, it was offered at our local community centre so it was relatively inexpensive, and i had only gone for two weeks so it wasn't as if i had half a term of work behind me - my first thought was to drop my volunteering with junior league. and so i got to thinking about it. because really dropping junior league didn't feel right. i had invested a significant amount of time and money and i did enjoy the people and the cause. so why was i thinking to quit it instead?

i think it was my own selfishness getting in the way. i wanted to do the photography course, but it was only going to benefit me, there wasn't going to be a significant impact to the wider world. now please hear me, i think we should do things in our spare time that bring us pleasure and joy. i already do a lot of those things. i read and knit and watch tv and go to movies and cook and workout. we travel extensively and have a nice home. i am not saying that taking a photography course wasn't a good thing to do, i am saying that one of those other good things i just listed would have had to go instead, and i wasn't willing to make that sacrifice.

for a couple of weeks i wrestled with quitting junior league, it didn't feel right and yet staying felt overwhelming. i took it to god in prayer and discussed it with le boy. i chatted about it with friends. and then i realised that actually, what i was being called to lay down wasn't junior league, it was the photography class. and when i did. when i made the decision, the feeling of relief that swept over me was remarkable. i need flexibility in my evenings. to spend time with my husband, to cook and keep our home, to go to the gym or see a friend for a glass of wine. i need the flexibility so that i can give of myself in the homegroup we lead, and the church we attend, and the volunteer activities i am invested in.

last night i realised the reason why this felt so right is because it lines up with our value statement. before we were married le boy and listed our ten values in order. i made a word collage with them and it hangs in our living room. and i realised that i had made the decision in accordance with those values. and then last night when i was worrying about one item over another, i realised, go back to the value statement, what we have decided is important to us as a couple - use this to make decisions.


our values in order are:

god
marriage
family
hospitality
community
health
adventure
learning
travel
service

and so when one part of my life conflicts with another, i will choose according to our values. in some ways it made the decision making process, the weighing up and going back and forth in my mind, the pit of anxiety in my stomach about making the right choice, simply disappear. i know we've already thought long and hard about what we value, so more often than not, making a decision in submission to those values will be on track as well. and that my friends is what i call a lesson in the freedom of obedience.

wednesday wanderings.

the sun has finally broken through! this momentous event deserves recognition. as someone said to me yesterday, all this weather tracking just tells us what we already know - this has been the wettest spring ever. and it really has, rain and rain and COLD. yesterday there was not one, not two, but THREE hail storms. not pretty, particularly seeing as i was caught in one as i dashed from bus stop to train station.

i read this blog post today and thought, yes, i should go for a walk. so instead of rushing to the gym for a lunch time workout, i strapped on my trainers and took to the streets. who knows if this weather will last - it would have been an injustice to mankind to bury myself in the basement of a building sweating it under florescent lights.

i popped in my headphones and listened to my bible readings for today. have you ever listened to scripture instead of read it? it's a completely different experience. i'm not sure i concentrate as well, i learn very well from reading - all those masters papers i suppose - but hearing the word changes it. makes me hook on phrases that i might miss otherwise. not a substitute - just a different manner of engaging with god.

so i wandered around, and remarked to myself how amazing it is that i work in the centre of iconic london. from the staff room window i can see st paul's, down the street is trafalgar square, next door is the royal courts of justice and over the bridge is the london eye. it's pretty spectacular and it's worth remembering. i'm sure it won't always be this way.

what a day for a walk. for the word.

let your steadfast love, o lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you. psalm 33:22

february::intentions

it is cold here. bracingly. nothing like the winters of my childhood and youth, dressed and wrapped against the snow, the lake's wind, cheeks perpetually rosy-glow, and never without a hat. but it is cold nevertheless, below-zero cold, deep desires for warm food and warm beds and nights snuggled on the couch with blankets.

i am startled by it. refreshed, hopeful for the days and weeks ahead. in all honesty, i find february difficult - cold and usually grey, i am so desperately pleased to see the golden warmth of sunshine today. it is streaming through my window, warming my back, deceiving me of the truth. i will take its deception.

january was definitely a growing month for us. we're learning how to handle life with us both working and trying to fit in mundane (but important!) tasks of the gym and cooking and laundry. alongside some new opportunities that god's presented us with - namely, we're now leading a homegroup and serving on our church's prayer ministry team. both of these things are blessing us immensely and we are so grateful to be continually immersed in a community that is proclaiming christ. we are also learning that we will need to say no to very fun social things from time to time in order to have time for our marriage, which is also a very fun thing. 

january recap: 

spiritual: memorised acts 20:32 & joshua 1:9

mental: i read the meaning of marriage by tim keller (absolutely fantastic read for both married and single people, seeking to understand biblical, thoughtful, intentional marriage!), i'm still struggling with a room with a view, and if i hadn't said that i'd read it, i probably would have put it down by now. 

physical: i've been to the gym four times a week! i am TIRED. 

bites: one bite at a time has been helpful, but four bites was more than i could chew (pun intended!) and i'm happy to have settled at two - meal planning, which i'm fully in the swing of and cleaning while i cook.

::february intentions::

spiritual: memorise hebrews 4:12 & another scripture

mental: two books, as yet, not chosen, but le boy is currently reading another keller, so it's high on the list of probability

take a photo a day - i missed the first but took two today...i'll try to post all 28, i'm going to experiment with instagr.am i've not used this app very much, but it seems appropriately suited to such a task.  

physical: i'd like to lose a couple of kgs, two to be exact, so that will be the challenge this month! 

bites: establish a morning routine, establish an evening routine

poem for february

Winter Sun

By Molly Fisk

How valuable it is in these short days,

threading through empty maple branches,

the lacy-needled sugar pines.

Its glint off sheets of ice tells the story

of Death’s brightness, her bitter cold.

We can make do with so little, just the hint

of warmth, the slanted light.

The way we stand there, soaking in it,

mittened fingers reaching.

And how carefully we gather what we can

to offer later, in darkness, one body to another.

source: the poetry foundation 

it's a.b.'s half birthday today - you heard me right, we celebrate those sorts of things...so hope you have half a cupcake today kid. love you.

biting.

i mentioned in my new years resolution post that i was hoping to utilize the downloadable book - one bite at a time. with lots and lots of great tips for simplifying life. i decided to start with something i falter at, but had been endeavouring to get the hang of: meal planning. this has become even more important as we adjust to both of working and being out of the house often for more than 12 hours a day. there's no time for detours to the store, and because we commute by public transport, it's actually not all that easy to pick something up on the way, particularly when the local shop has closed!

i've found a great resource - plan to eat. what a genius idea! it allows you to plan your meals using an online meal planner, you can type up meals that you have in recipe books, or import recipes from online sources. it's really incredibly simple, and once you've added a recipe, it's stored in your online file! this is a paid for service, but the first month is a free trial, so there's no risk. i am LOVING it. particularly because we've simplified grocery shopping. we're now doing grocery delivery. delivery in london is very common, and not terribly expensive. plus i'm already seeing a reduction in our grocery bill simply because there are very few impulse purchases. it fits around our schedule and means that i can shop on my lunch hour and have groceries delivered the next morning before i leave for work! so online meal planning, coupled with online grocery shopping is a huge simplification of my life.

the second 'bite' i took on, i did so accidentally. i had meant to try and start a morning routine - but it wasn't going very well, a series of late nights and variable mornings has lead me to putting the morning routine idea to the side for this month. instead, as i read through the book and this just kind of 'happened' i most noticed it over the weekend.


clean as you cook:  as my mother and sister will attest, and my husband, while i'm a pretty decent cook, i'm not so great about the mess that is created during the 'creative process.' yesterday was a big cooking day. i made this delicious casserole (chicken and butternut squash and pasta and parmesan cheese? yes please!) but that meant roasting a squash and a chicken, which i did early the morning. a practice run at le boy's birthday cake and then the actual creation of the casserole meant for a huge mess. but actually, i cleaned as i went, putting away items as i used them, gathering scraps in a bowl, wiping up spills as they happened, soaking dishes for easy clean up later, wearing an apron. really none of it was hard, but it made the cooking and the clean up a breeze!

some of the tips from one bite include:


• Place a “garbage bowl” or container for food scraps and peelings on your main work surface.
• If you have a double sink, run one side half full of hot soapy water for hand washing and dish rinsing, leaving the other free for washing vegetables or draining pastas.
• Keep a broom and dustpan handy for flour or sugar spills on the floor.
• Have a few clean dry towels on hand for countertop spills and drying dishes.

i've taken the last one a bit further and adopted a 'side' towel, as explained here. such a great thing to do and so easy. what i've realised is that this will mean i have slightly more kitchen laundry each week, but it also means that i'm not stressed about the state of my kitchen.