Wednesday, 2 February 2011


the second reflection on marriage from an engaged girl. read the first one here.

we've spent time recently thinking through, talking about, and getting our heads around money. our money. for two fiercely independent souls such as ourselves - money in many ways represents one of our biggest challenges. not because we don't agree. or because we spend differently. or even because we come from diametrically opposed places...none of these things categorize our conversations about money. but because we both like having 'my money,' and having 'our money' well that just seems too intimate.

and so we are stumbling through this oh-so-big aspect of marriage, determined to talk and think and eventually act in a way that is rooted in love. that recognizes and celebrates our differences, but that also finds a common ground. money fights (to me a non-married) seem incredibly pointless - i'd really rather use the energy for something worth it. and really when you're fighting about money with your spouse - are you really fighting about money? or are you fighting about the value they are placing on something that you are not comfortable with?

at the heart of it all isn't actually the balance of the bank account, or really even our personal money independence - at the heart i think is that money most frequently points directly to what we value. where our money goes - is where our hearts live. a newly-married friend of mine once said that conversations about money are often the most vulnerable - yes, i spend this much on dry cleaning, and clothing and make up. but you, you spend that much on sports gear and lunch? it is so easy to become defensive of our way of life - of how we live - of what we value.

learning to be vulnerable is so difficult. it hits at the centre of all you think and do and believe. but in so many ways these conversations are opening up much bigger truths to us, about us, than about how we use our money. because the conversations become about how we will honour god, and how we will bless others, and how we will sacrifice and serve each other, and how we hope to build our family. the questions and conversations become centred on who we dream ourselves to be. who we believe god dreams us to be. and how we value what we have been blessed with. money is completely uncertain, while christ is completely certain. the question becomes what do we value most?

 17-19Tell those rich in this world's wealth to quit being so full of themselves and so obsessed with money, which is here today and gone tomorrow. Tell them to go after God, who piles on all the riches we could ever manage—to do good, to be rich in helping others, to be extravagantly generous. If they do that, they'll build a treasury that will last, gaining life that is truly life.  (1 Timothy 6:17, The Message)


  1. I followed you from Ann’s

    So true, where our heart is there our treasure will be. To know this thing about money, before you get married, that is a really good thing. I just prayed for your marriage to be – all that it be all you want, but even more, what God wants it to be. I heart marriage.

    Thank you for this.

    God Bless

  2. Hi, I'm visiting from Ann' are so very, very wise to tackle this subject before marriage. And you are right on in all your points concerning money: the mentality, the defensiveness it can bring, the value we place on what we spend our money on. People before things is a good rule to follow and I see you are thinking that through. Good for you both and may God bless you and your inteneded. All for His Glory.

  3. It is so important that you discuss this now. I think the topic of money can even be bigger than figuring out what we think is valuable and stumbling over how we spend it. It can also be a deep security issue, as it was with my husband and me. We worked through the difficulties and the "our money" place we are in now is safe and vulnerable and good. You're right to wonder why money issues are so "intimate", it feels like they shouldn't be. God bless you on your journey to become one in all ways.

  4. Money... the root of many arguments in even the most seasoned marriages. So glad to see you tackle the subject now before the "I Do's" This is very wise of you. Great post.

  5. This is really good as yes, money is one of the really hard things to talk about. I really, really like the distinction you made between the balance of the bank account and what it is we value. Kelly